Imposters seek help because they want others to change. After a brief conversation, she said, “I don’t really think I need anything.” She didn’t need anything because she didn’t want to grow herself.
Others needed to develop, but she didn’t.
She already led at her maximum potential. She didn’t need to explore options, gain new perspective, or more fully utilize her strengths.
I thanked her for the call and wished her well.
5 consequences of wearing a mask:
When you pretend you have it all together you end up falling apart.
Imposters…
- Pretend everything’s under control, as far as their responsibilities go. Elephants thrive where fakers live.
- Choose manipulation over saying no.
- Have answers but no questions. Heaven forbid they don’t know the answers or can’t do everything perfectly the first time!
- Point to others when things go wrong.
- Never have meaningful weaknesses.
Stress:
The weight of keeping up appearances is constant stress.
The frustration of doing the same thing and expecting better results disintegrates imposters. Ineffectiveness is inevitable.
Faking elevates distrust, making ineffectiveness inevitable.
How to help imposters find authenticity:
Imposters are consumed by what others think of them.
#1. Seek their best interest.
Frustration with posers feels like pressure and manipulation. Feel compassion and confront inconsistency for their benefit.
Learn and affirm their aspiration. Reach out; don’t wait for them to come to you.
People dare stop faking when bosses have their best interests at heart.
#2. Share your journey.
Begin a conversation with, “Let’s talk about things we learned from failure. I’ll start.”
Read a book together and share what you’re learning. Learners haven’t arrived.
#3. Maintain a forward-facing approach:
Ask what’s next.
#4. Practice vulnerability:
Invite feedback. Declare a growth intention and ask for suggestions.
What suggestions do you have for dealing with imposters?
How are you dealing with your own inclination to put on a mask?
Dig deeper:
The Path to Authentic Leadership Often Misses One Key Ingredient
5 Ways to Practice Vulnerability for Leaders
Six Ways to Find Your Courage During Challenging Times
The words you say to yourself impact the direction of your life. The Vagrant provides structured self-reflection exercises that will smooth the path forward for leaders. Order your copy today:
