Leading feelings begins with setting intentions. How will people feel after their one-on-one with you? Focus on two areas. How will they feel about themselves and their work?
Influence not coercion:
You can’t make people feel something. Leading feelings is designing conversations that make specific emotions likely. Craft environments where positive energy feels natural. Leading feelings require influence, not coercion.
Leading feelings:
How do you want people to feel about themselves? Focus on four emotions.
- Valued.
- Challenged.
- Supported.
- Energized.
People feel valued when you respect them. Describe their contribution as you see it. How do they add value to their colleagues and team? Share your observations with openness.
You challenge people when you focus on things they’re not doing. Reflect on potential not current performance. Ask, “What would you like to do that you aren’t currently doing?” or “What would you like to do more of?”
People feel challenged when you see more in them.
Support people by saying, “How can I help?” or “What do you need from me?” But don’t do someone’s job for them. Try asking, “Who might I connect you with?”
Identify energizing activities to fuel vitality. Ask, “What parts of your job give you energy?” Follow up with, “What about that gives you energy?”
Send an email:
Use parts of this post to craft an email. Send it the day before your one-on-one. Include statements like:
- I look forward to our conversation.
- Along with the topics you bring up, I plan to ask the following questions.
Tip: One of two things may be true when people can’t answer these questions—they may lack self-awareness, or they may not trust you. In either case, plan to focus on one of those concerns in future meetings. Be optimistic and forward-facing.
This post lists 4 emotional states that a leader might intend to foster – valued, challenged, supported, and energized. What would you add to this list?
What does leading feelings mean to you?
A Simple Reusable One-On-One Plan – Leadership Freak
Make the Most of Your One-on-One Meetings (hbr.org)
