I’m posting this article a second time because in my haste to publish I neglected to give attribution to conflict management expert Robert Bordone and behavioral neurologist Joel Salinas, M.D. Their book CONFLICT RESILIENCE is wonderful.
Don’t worry if there’s conflict. Worry if there isn’t.
Disagreements are inevitable. Avoidance is the enemy. Conflict resilience helps you thrive during the inevitable. How can you turn discomfort into discovery?
3 Skills of Conflict Resilience:
1. Name It & Dig Deep
Untended tension festers. Identify real issues. Avoid reacting to surface-level issues. Three questions to dig deep:
- What really bothers me about this?
- What assumptions control my responses?
- What’s at stake for others?
Clarity is the beginning of resolution.
2. Explore It & Be Brave
Curiosity turns a battleground into a learning ground. Rather than defending your position, explore:
- What’s driving the disagreement?
- How does my emotional response shape my approach?
- What is the most generous assumption I can make about the other person’s intent?
Bravery in conflict means seeking understanding before seeking victory.
3. Commit & Own It
Leaders miss opportunities to build trust when they sidestep conflict. Own it rather than avoiding it.
- Take responsibility for your part.
- Define the best possible outcome and communicate it.
- Commit to handling future conflicts with the same intent.
Conflict resilience turns arguments into an asset.
Success during conflicts isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about strengthening relationships and making better decisions. Leaders who face conflict with skill and courage create environments where people engage, innovate, and grow.
Avoidance breeds dysfunction. Courage fuels progress.
Which aspect of conflict resilience seems most challenging?
What have you learned about turning conflict to advantage?
This post is based on CONFLICT RESILIENCE: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In (HarperBusiness, 3/18/25) by conflict management expert Robert Bordone and behavioral neurologist Joel Salinas, M.D.