Spontaneous impulses harm others and weaken leadership.
5 Spontaneous Impulses that cause harm:
#1. Interrupting to showcase your brilliance. When this happens, people feel unheard and disrespected. Eventually they disengage.
#2. Blame shifting to protect your ego. Humility builds trust. Blaming erodes confidence and ends feedback.
#3. Acting without listening. A leader in a rush solves the wrong problem and creates new ones. Short-term speed becomes long-term drag.
#4. Dodging hard conversations. Avoidance escalates frustration. I don’t blame you for choosing the easy path, but everyone’s waiting for you to invite the elephant to dance.
#5. Solving problems instead of seizing opportunities. Few things are more seductive than a fat juicy problem. You can’t lead forward by looking at the past.
3 ways to interrupt spontaneous impulses:
#1. Notice yourself.
Choose an action or emotion to notice that has destructive consequences. Notice…
- Eagerness to speak.
- Frustration.
- Urge to control.
- Need to be right.
- Drive to win instead of learn.
#2. Recruit a partner.
Self-awareness comes reluctantly. A trusted ally points out things you don’t see about yourself.
Share your list of destructive behaviors. Ask your partner to tell you when they notice the behaviors on your list.
Reflect on the emotions that motivate spontaneous impulses.
#3. Choose a replacement behavior.
You don’t stop spontaneous impulses, you replace them. When I notice my frustration, I physically feel a jolt. There’s my harmful friend. In that moment I realize I’m missing something. I calm myself and get curious. Potential replacement behaviors…
- Physically lean back. Posture alters mindset.
- Smile and nod. Signal openness, not attack.
- Take a breath. Create space to choose wisely.
- Ask a question. Curiosity slows reactivity.
Small interruptions prevent big regrets.
What unintended consequences are you creating?
Mastering Emotional Agility: Transform Destructive Emotions into Leadership Advantage
