A real conversation* is more than talking.
“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” David Whyte
How to Begin a Real Conversation
#1. Show Up
If you can’t be present, cancel the conversation.
Signal you’re there for them.
- “I’ve been looking forward to our conversation.”
- “How are you?”
- “Before we dive in, what’s energizing you these days?”
#2. Orient
Establish direction. It might change, but honor people by aiming at something.
- “What would make this conversation useful for you?”
- “What would you like to take away from this conversation?”
- “What can we talk about that will move your agenda forward?”
- “What’s important about this conversation?”
Silence assumptions. Embrace curiosity.
#3. Affirm
People open up when they feel seen.
- “Thanks for being here.”
- “I’m glad we’re having this conversation.”
- “I appreciate your time today.”
5. Calm
Shape the conversation before it begins.
- Slow down.
- Smile.
- Lean in.
Rushing says they don’t matter.
How to End a Real Conversation
#1. Summarize
Confirms understanding.
- “What’s shifting in your thinking?”
- “How are you thinking about yourself as a result of this conversation?”
- “What are you taking away from this conversation?”
- “What do you want to remember from this conversation?”
#2. Next
Great conversations take you places.
- “What’s one thing you will do next?”
- “What feels like the right first step?”
- “What do you want to stop doing?”
- “What are you energized to do next?”
3. Affirm
Lift people.
- “Thanks for being honest today.”
- “Great work today.”
4. Warmth
Strengthen relationships.
- “I’m cheering for you.”
- “How can I help?”
- “When can we continue this conversation?”
Leadership rises when conversations move people forward. A real conversation brings clarity, instills courage, and fuels momentum.
What suggestion resonates with you?
What can you add to techniques for beginning or ending real conversations?
Great Conversations Break the Rules
*The expression “Real Conversations” is trademarked by my friend, John Stoker. Get his book, Overcoming Fake Talk on Amazon.
