Many books about stress are bandages. They focus on escape. They encourage you to breathe deeply. Close your eyes and notice your breath.
Relaxing is sinister when stress is self-imposed.
Eliminate Self-Imposed Stress
Three distortions give birth to self-imposed stress.
#1. The Time Distortion – Everything is Urgent
The belief that everything is urgent creates self-imposed stress.
Stress forgets priorities. It thinks next week’s tasks weigh the same as today’s. A person who can’t prioritize carries a week’s worth of weight in a single moment.
Constant urgency triggers fear. Fear is short-sighted. It loses the ability to see a future self.
When everything is urgent, you drown in a shallow pool.
#2. The Boundary Distortion – Everything is Your Responsibility
Try to control life if you want to crush yourself. Take responsibility for people’s emotions if you want to destroy your life.
- Undervalue the talent of others.
- Overestimate your ability to get things done.
- Say yes to everything.
- Micromanage competent people.
A leader without boundaries carries self-assigned burdens.
#3. The Identity Distortion: Everything Proves Your Worth
A missed deadline doesn’t put your worth on the line. Every one-on-one can’t transform people. Running a bad meeting doesn’t make you a lousy leader.
When everything proves your worth, everything is urgent. You have to do everything. You can’t trust others. You can’t say, “No.”
The Jettison Protocol
Stop breathing deep and start thinking clearly. When stress rises, ask:
- Time: Am I pulling the future into today?
- Boundary: Am I carrying a burden that belongs to someone else?
- Identity: Am I using this task to prove I’m enough?
“Everything thinking” poisons everything.
Escaping pressures doesn’t remove the root. Confront distorted thinking that creates unnecessary burdens.
Don’t manage self-imposed stress. Eliminate it.
What self-imposed stressors do you notice in leadership?
5 Questions Lower Self-Inflicted Stress
How to manage self-inflicted stress – Big Think
