Take the 5:1 challenge. Say five positives for every negative.
Make as many negative comments as you like. The challenge isn’t restraint. Find symmetry by offsetting one negative with five encouragements.
Don’t ignore problems. Make inspiration your default.
Why the 5:1 Challenge
Research shows bad is stronger than good. John Gottman found that stable relationships average about five positive interactions for every negative one.
Words are rudders; they steer the direction of life.
Positive words point you to where you want to go.
When You’re Stuck
5:1 seems outrageous.
I’m always in a deficit. My ratio is about 1.5 positives for every negative. I’m thankful it’s not worse.
The simplest positive is an expression of gratitude. Thank someone. Notice effort. Celebrate progress. Recognize character.
While dealing with mistakes, say:
- “Let’s try again.”
- “Here’s what success looks like.”
- “Next time, try…”
- “You can get this.”
A Deeper Challenge
Apply the 5:1 challenge to your thoughts. Answer negative thoughts with five things that are true, good, or possible.
Benefits
Encouragement multiplies influence.
You force yourself to focus more on things you want rather than things you don’t want. You become a “yes” person rather than a “no” person.
Note: Adopting the 5:1 challenge becomes toxic when you use it to avoid reality.
Action Item
Put five coins in your left pocket. Move one to your right each time you encourage someone. Move all five before noon.
Can you take the 5:1 challenge?
