I love it when people say, “I don’t know.” Ignorance is the point of growth.
Ignorance can mean, “I don’t want to say.” Or “I’m not sure.” Or it can be real.
Rule #1: Don’t yield to the temptation to give answers when people don’t know. Proving how smart you are doesn’t increase another person’s capacity.
When you give answers others can find, you steal power. Coaching keeps responsibility on the person being coached.
Novices may need mentoring, training, or advice. But don’t do for others what they can do for themselves.
Responses to “I Don’t Know”
#1. Provide Think Time
- What’s your best guess?
- If you did know, what would you say?
- What seems unclear?
- What part do you know?
- What are you almost sure about?
#2. Explore Unknown Territory
- Where could you start?
- What would be useful to think about?
- What are some possibilities?
- What have you learned from similar situations?
#3. Explore Self-Protection
- What are you reluctant to say?
- What makes this difficult to answer?
- What answer feels uncomfortable?
#4. Confront Ruts
- What assumption might be getting in your way?
- What does this uncertainty reveal about you?
- Who is this situation calling you to become?
- What needs to change inside you?
- What would you like to believe instead?
Difficult problems are mirrors. Notice beliefs, attitudes, identity, self-talk, values, and possible internal shifts.
#5. Explore Possibilities
- What would you try if this didn’t have to be perfect?
- What’s the smallest thing you know?
- What would make this easier to answer?
- What are three possible answers, even bad ones?
- What could you learn this week that would help you answer?
Personal Favorites
- Who might know?
- What’s your best guess?
“I don’t know” is a beginning. Stifle your need to solve.
The solution people find for themselves is better than yours, even if it’s not as good.
What are your favorite questions to ask when people say “I don’t know”?
A Guide to Lousy Coaching – Leadership Freak
The Art of Asking Smarter Questions HBR
