Don’t ruin one-on-ones by making them about you.
One-on-ones strengthen other people.
The Wrong Person
One-on-ones are about the wrong person when managers:
- Control the whole agenda.
- Talk most of the time.
- Focus exclusively on operations.
- Assign actions without inviting ownership.
You feel helpful when you give answers. But people stop thinking when you think for them.
The more problems you solve, the more problems you’ll have to solve.
Power Tip: The person who talks most controls the conversation. Give employees more control.
Turn One-On-Ones Around
Begin with, “What would make this conversation useful for you today?” About 80% of my conversations begin with some form of this question.
Power Tip: Listen to ask a question, not to prepare an answer.
Silence amplifies the power of questions. Don’t rush to fill silence.
Relax. Pause. Ask a follow-up. Try, “What feels important to share?”
Discuss deadlines and assignments, but don’t make operations the whole meeting. Use a 70/30 model. Give employees about 70% of the airtime and influence over the agenda.
Performance improves when people improve.
Questions that Encourage Growth
- “What’s working for you?”
- “What’s draining your energy?”
- “What are you learning?”
- “What have you tried?”
- “What would you like to do?”
- “How can I support you?”
End with Ownership
- “What’s your next step?”
- “What’s your timeline?”
- “What kind of follow-up will be useful to you?”
- “What do you want me to ask about this when we meet next time?”
Focus on engagement. Make space for people to reflect, grow, and take responsibility.
If you leave impressed with yourself, the meeting was about the wrong person.
Who does most of the talking during your one-on-ones?
The Nitwit’s Guide to One-on-Ones Leadership Freak
How to Have Effective 1-on-1 Meetings With Your Direct Reports Radical Candor
