They say you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, but sometimes comparing is unblemished enjoyment. When your car outshines your neighbor’s, talking about cars is pleasurable, for example.
Pleasure of comparison:
On a trip to the Middle East I saw a cardboard hut beside a rich home. That’s doubly insulting if you live in the hut. I remember living in the Hamptons where rich and famous people live and play. It was there that I discovered I can hate the success of others.
Coveting destroys joy.
When your coworker gets the promotion you wanted, it’s aggravating to talk about work. She has the upper-hand. Don’t compare-up. It’s distressing.
When you’re more successful, better looking, or more talented, comparison is affirmation and confirmation.
Comparing-down affirms, but seems childish.
Permission of comparison:
Comparison makes compromise virtue.
I allow myself an inconsequential slang like, “Damn it,” because of the words I want to say – but don’t. You would thank me for saying, “Damn it,” if you knew what I could have said.
When I compare the words I want to say with the words I actually say, I’m doing pretty damn well.
Comparison gives you permission to make choices that offend. A small outburst is virtuous compared to the last time you blew up, for example.
Power of comparison:
Let people win when they compare themselves to you. Don’t pull them down.
It’s self-defeating for leaders to outshine everyone on the team.
When you let people shine, they’re eager to shine again.
If you must outshine people, do it quietly.
- Don’t tweak everything. Just go with.
- Welcome help and input with gratitude.
People enjoy contributing when you stop diminishing their contribution.
When is comparison a good thing? A bad thing?
