“Your words are rudders. They take you places.” I wrote that 14 years ago. I recently learned a new way of visualizing the rudder principle which I’ve adapted for this post.
Conversations have trajectory.
The four trajectories:
- Intentional future. Conversations focused on the future you choose.
- Scaffolding past. Conversations about past experiences that equip you to build the future you choose.
- Troubling past. Conversations that spiral around disappointments and hurts.
- Foreboding future. Conversations about potential storms and dangers.
Conversations that seize the intentional future:
Questions have destinations. Choose your destination before you speak.
- “What’s bothering you?” invites people to focus on the troubling past or foreboding future.
- “What worked?” turns people toward a past that equips them for their preferred future.
- “What could go wrong?” opens the door to future difficulties and dangers.
- “What do you want?” is opportunity to create an intentional future.
Above the line the past equips you to live into your vision. Below the line you spiral into a troubling past and a foreboding future. Most people live below the line.
Leaders create above-the-line conversations. There’s a place for below the line conversations. Leaders open conversational doors to the intentional future.
Your job isn’t to judge people. This tool isn’t for fixing broken people. The four quadrants enable leaders to understand the trajectory of their words.
Turning toward the intentional future:
You can provide opportunities to create the intentional future. You can’t make people go there until they’re ready.
5 questions that move conversations above the line:
- Remember some past challenges you worked through. What did you do?
- I see what you don’t want. What would you love to have?
- What are you learning?
- What do you want to do about that?
- What preparations would take you where you want to go?
What are ways leaders can open the door to above-the-line conversations?
Haesun Moon explains the model I adapted for this post here: Model #1: Dialogic Orientation Quadrant (DOQ) — CCBC (briefcoaching.ca)