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5 Ways to Express Empathy Like a Leader

Dan Rockwell

Feeling bad isn’t always bad. Stretching yourself creates uncertainty. Tough issues cause discomfort. Learning new skills calls for courage.

The purpose of empathy is empowerment.

Destructive empathy:

  1. Hinders self-reliance.
  2. Lowers standards.
  3. Blocks progress.
  4. Accepts blame-shifting.
  5. Promotes irresponsibility.
  6. Focuses on weakness.
  7. Reinforces avoidance.

The purpose of empathy:

The purpose of empathy is restoring resolve, not excusing weakness.

Healthy empathy energizes action. Unhealthy empathy excuses defeat. Supporting people is beautiful when it promotes resilience. It’s harmful when it prolongs weakness.

Focus on strengths when expressing empathy. Our inclination to fixate on struggles and pain is only  half the equation.

Expect adults to act with maturity. When empathy prolongs immaturity, it insults potential. Sometimes adults need support. They don’t need permission to avoid responsibility. It’s not helpful to excuse destructive behavior.

Empathy plus accountability respects people. Reject blame shifting. Point out a victim’s mindset.

5 ways to express empathy like a leader:

Empathy begins with understanding struggle and ends with a call to action.

  1. It’s OK to feel uncertain. ____ What’s your plan for dealing with it?
  2. I can see that you’re upset. ____ How can I support you as you move forward?
  3. I see this is challenging. ____ It’s your job to move forward with this. What will help?
  4. I care about you. ____ I believe you can step up. What’s next?
  5. I care about you enough to be honest. ____ What’s happening isn’t working, and it’s time to make a change.

(Provide context and compassion to the beginnings and endings listed above.)

When people struggle to do their job, enabling them to avoid responsibility isn’t the answer. Avoid help that enables helplessness.

Note: This post isn’t about personal tragedies when people need relief from responsibilities.

What does destructive empathy look like?

How can leaders express empathy that empowers?

Being Empathetic is Good, But it Can Hurt Your Health (Washington Post)

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