When everything runs smoothly, you’re irrelevant. No drama? No dysfunction? Why are you here?
Don’t solve too many problems. Nurture them to establish your value.
4 Ways to Nurture Problems and Highlight Your Importance
#1. Micromanage
Nurture problems by obsessing over trivialities. Ask for hourly updates. Count tasks like daisy petals.
“How many reports did you finish this week?”
Go nuts over tiny improvements. Treat brain cancer with an aspirin.
#2. Focus on Optics
Rebrand lousy meetings. Don’t improve them.
- Weekly Staff Meetings become Mission Control Meetings.
- Project Updates become Momentum Monday.
- Sales Meetings become Dealmaker’s Summits.
- One-On-Ones become VIP Power Chats.
Make minor upgrades to nurture problems. Swap out a few lightbulbs and maintain outdated procedures. Bright light = happy people = but nothing really changes.
Bonus: Put a ping pong table in the lobby!
#3. Manage Blame
Take responsibility the first time something goes wrong. Then do nothing to fix it.
Next week, blame someone who didn’t follow through.
Next week, blame the full moon.
Next week, blame vacations.
People learn to live with problems if you wait long enough.
Bonus: People think you’re resilient if you live with problems long enough.
#4. Discuss Stuff
Use talk to give the illusion of action.
When something goes wrong, schedule a brainstorming session. Generate 27 ideas. End by scheduling another meeting.
At the next meeting, make your ideas obsolete by discovering the root cause.
Schedule another brainstorm!
Power Tip: When someone asks what you got done, overwhelm them with your plans.
Bonus:
Walk around frowning.
Put your head in your hands when people walk into your office.
What are your best tips on ways to increase your value but not do anything?
The Top Ten Toxic Behaviors of Lousy Leaders
