4 Ways to Nurture Problems
When everything runs smoothly, you’re irrelevant. No drama? No dysfunction? Why are you here?
Don’t solve too many problems. Nurture them to establish your value.
4 Ways to Nurture Problems and Highlight Your Importance
#1. Micromanage
Nurture problems by obsessing over trivialities. Ask for hourly updates. Count tasks like daisy petals.
“How many reports did you finish this week?”
Go nuts over tiny improvements. Treat brain cancer with an aspirin.
#2. Focus on Optics
Rebrand lousy meetings. Don’t improve them.
- Weekly Staff Meetings become Mission Control Meetings.
- Project Updates become Momentum Monday.
- Sales Meetings become Dealmaker’s Summits.
- One-On-Ones become VIP Power Chats.
Make minor upgrades to nurture problems. Swap out a few lightbulbs and maintain outdated procedures. Bright light = happy people = but nothing really changes.
Bonus: Put a ping pong table in the lobby!
#3. Manage Blame
Take responsibility the first time something goes wrong. Then do nothing to fix it.
Next week, blame someone who didn’t follow through.
Next week, blame the full moon.
Next week, blame vacations.
People learn to live with problems if you wait long enough.
Bonus: People think you’re resilient if you live with problems long enough.
#4. Discuss Stuff
Use talk to give the illusion of action.
When something goes wrong, schedule a brainstorming session. Generate 27 ideas. End by scheduling another meeting.
At the next meeting, make your ideas obsolete by discovering the root cause.
Schedule another brainstorm!
Power Tip: When someone asks what you got done, overwhelm them with your plans.
Bonus:
Walk around frowning.
Put your head in your hands when people walk into your office.
What are your best tips on ways to increase your value but not do anything?
The Top Ten Toxic Behaviors of Lousy Leaders
Your bites into the fruit of sarcasm reveal the bitter seeds of truth. Have a crappy Friday!
Same to you, Scott. Don’t come back again!
Frustration veiled as sarcasm? After all these years of sage advice, you’d think it would get through some people’s thick sculls. The blatantly obvious is only obvious, I feel, to 20% … the other 80% are generally just too lazy to care … sort of like Pareto’s rule … 😛
Pareto seemed to understand the universe!
Love the irony!
(Saw some parts of myself there. Now to ‘do’!!)
confession may be good for the soul, but I think you’ve given us a catalogue of ideas.🤔
Thanks Dan
A few ideas is a beginning. Thanks David.
…Wondering where you got your inspiration for these strategies that seem so applicable in our federal government.
Just trying to help, Gerry. 🙂
The picture of the pig/dog weirded me out, but I’m on my way to buy a ping pong table right now.
Glad to see you’re striving for the bottom. Here’s to a wonderful weekend.
You forgot: complain about something else only tangentially related to the topic at hand. Bonus points for making it sound like a pressing issue that should be dealt with instead of the real one.
Delightful. I did forget it. Thanks for making me feel stupid. 🙂
I am reading your ‘advice’ over my 2nd coffee. I can see the usefulness of many of these strategies for reviewing our strategic plan. I will start with a brainstorming session… We don’t have room for ping-pong table.
That’s a brilliant approach. Act quick. Act simple. Just get it done!