Unexpressed appreciation feels like ingratitude.
The Cost of Feeling Unappreciated
- Initiative fades. Why try when no one cares?
- Score-keeping rises. Little annoyances turn into big frustrations.
- Insignificance sets in. When you don’t matter, energy goes down.
- Barriers go up. We buffer pain by pulling away.
The Complaint
An honest leader said he felt unappreciated. He shows gratitude regularly but seldom receives it.
“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” William James
Only liars say they don’t enjoy appreciation.
Train People to Show Appreciation
I asked a client about her troubling relationship with the chairman of the board. She said, “We had a one-on-one and it was great.” He tends to be demanding and rude. But he showed respect for my contribution this time.
“What did you do?” I asked. She received it graciously.
Don’t receive gratitude graciously. Receive it joyously.
#1. Express gratitude for appreciation. If you receive a compliment in the morning, wait until the afternoon. Send a text, “Your kind words encouraged me.”
#2. Be vulnerable. “Sometimes I wonder if anyone notices.”
#3. Describe impact. “Your compliment brightened my day.” Or “I can go a week on a good word like that.”
“… I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.” Mark Twain
Stop pretending compliments don’t affect you. Train people to show gratitude. Don’t brush it off.
“I like compliments, praises, flatteries; I cordially enjoy all such things and am grieved and disappointed when what I call a ‘barren mail’ arrives—a mail that hasn’t any compliments in it. – Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 3, (2015)
What makes you feel appreciated?
Nearly 80% say Lack of Appreciation is a Major Reason for Leaving
