7 Ways to Reach Bull-Headed Teammates
You’re banging heads with bull-headed teammates. It’s not the facts. It’s personal disposition.
Personal disposition often determines the “right” decision.
Personal disposition.
- Visionary disposition. The “right” decision disrupts the present and moves into the future.
- Comforter disposition. The “right” decision doesn’t make people uncomfortable.
- Developer disposition. The “right” decision helps people try new things and grow.
- Protector disposition. The “right” decision considers all contingencies.
A closed mind has one perspective.
Single mindedness is good after decisions are made, not before.
Successful decisions, when there’s a lot on the line, need diverse dispositional-perspectives. The struggle is embracing more than one perspective when yours is “right.”
4 behaviors that close minds:
- Explaining facts and sharing information. The facts aren’t the issue; dispositional-interpretation is.
- Convincing others your idea is right.
- Telling others their idea is wrong.
- Raising your voice and other pressuring strategies.
7 ways to reach bull-headed teammates:
- Avoid talking about personalities. It doesn’t help to call a bull-headed person bull-headed.
- Don’t say, “The last time we talked about this….” People who bring up the past are trying to prove they are right now because you were wrong then.
- Open up by saying, “I see we differ on this idea. What am I missing?” You must open your mind before they open theirs, If you don’t, it’s a battle of egos.
- Restate. “I hear you saying….” Make people feel heard. Openness happens after people feel heard.
- Explore. Ask, “What’s important about what I’m missing?” Listen for their disposition.
- Let them be “right” without making yourself “wrong.” Release ideas that aren’t central to the idea you believe is best.
- Include. How can you answer their core concerns and yours at the same time. Find the third option.
The key to opening a closed mind is to stop giving it justification for being closed.
How might leaders open closed minds?
Could you share a specific example of reaching bull-headed teammates?
Thanks David. It happens all the time. Strong teams have strong members who have strong opinions. When I see one of them rising up, I know it’s time for me to step back and open up to their perspective. When I push back, they push back. I’ve learned AND accepted the disposition of my fellow teammates. All I need to ask is “what am I missing,” to get the ball rolling in a positive direction. Showing respect really helps. They know that I respect them and their perspective.
One leader was getting bull-headed about an upcoming meeting. At first I pushed back. Then, I remembered how much I respected this leader. I stepped back and asked, “What would you like to do?” That set the conversation on a positive path. (Not that it was easy)… the positive path is moving forward WHILE answering individual concerns.
Thanks for asking. I hope that helps a little.
What is a level of respect is not in place? Any suggestions?
Dan – thanks for sharing the example related to the meeting
Number 7 if used properly can become the ground mentality for a win win situation. Imagine if both parties used this one. From a two hour board meeting to thirty minutes, oh for the joy of progress, without the egotistical drama.
Thanks Ron. Exactly!
Listen. Then, listen some more.
Thanks indie!
Another great post, Dan! I find the more I recognize my own habits in your advice, the harder it is to read – which is why it’s good stuff for me. Remember the film ” A League of Their Own?” There’s a great line of dialog between Tom Hanks and Geena Davis when she’s intimidated by her leadership potential. Hank’s character says something akin to: “Of course it’s hard. It’s the hard part that makes it great.”
In general, the others on the team were hired for their own perspective, knowledge and experience just as you were. By listening and creating a dialog, as opposed to ending up at loggerheads, all members of the team can take ownership of the project in question, which will be more successful in the end.
Dan, your post brings to mind the difference between “being right” and “doing right.” Just because we may be right–does not necessarily mean we’re not wrong. We can be “technically” right, and what can be wrong is our intent, attitude or delivery. We can have good intentions with perfect guidelines, but in our execution–we can turn people away. The right answer is always preceded by the right question. Great post. Thanks!
Dan,
I disagree, calling one bull-headed sometimes helps remove the “blinders”, especially if they are not seeing the entire picture. “Bullheadedness” is a state of mind that often times needs redirected for the success of the team! After all, “viewpoints” are intended to develop the future and nurture growth, Bullheadedness tends to stagnate the team members from participation. Granted the Leader is the Leader and most of them tend not to be “Bullheaded” or are they? Time will tell for some and others may never know!
Been guilty of being the bull headed guy a few times… Open minded thinking is better.
The only way I’ve ever found that has worked is showing the bull-headed people that your way works. It doesn’t succeed all the time, but it’s all I’ve found that has. You can’t tell them, but sometimes you can show them.
I would like to hear more about dispositional interpretation. Great article!
You know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. The picture you chose for this article is spot on and made me laugh this morning – sometimes, it’s pointing out the bull-headedness in a humorous way that helps everyone to relax a bit and get back into the game of driving forward.
This was a great article and the laugh was worth a lot – reminded me of Bullwinkle and, since I can often be bull-headed, it made me reflect on the way that some people see me – good advice and relevant reflection.
Quoting: “Include. How can you answer their core concerns and yours at the same time. Find the third option.” Such an important approach! The late Stephen Covey always argues for the “Third Alternative,” one that each party agrees is better than the one originally favored. Neither being favored!
A great topic and post – as usual. Lots for our Consideration!!!
What if the bullheaded person works FOR you? I don’t know what to do. This person is on the verge of getting fired. They won’t ask questions, almost literally destroy the construct of org. documents, won’t ask questions, cannot be pushed to do more.
Thanks Lisa. Not everyone fits in. Do your best. Explore their values and goals. How can you help them succeed? Remember that when we push people, they push back. But, perhaps, as you hint, it may be time for them to go. If you let them go, love them out the door. They were hired because someone saw their potential. Send their potential somewhere else.
Just some thoughts.