Lies have power because they feel true. Negative self-talk feels accurate even when it’s ridiculous.
A nagging inner critic fits the category of “automatic negative thoughts” (ANTs). An ANTs infestation rules us until we listen with self-awareness.
The first step to defeating ANTs is noticing.
AI generated image 10/11/24 at 5:00 a.m.
Noticing ANTs – 4 Lies That Defeat Us:
#1. “Should” statements:
My coach says, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself so much.”
- I should be able to handle this without help.
- I should know what to do with my life by now.
- I should be happier.
Tip: Spend less time “shoulding” on yourself and more time doing what you can.
#2. Catastrophizing:
- Corrective feedback doesn’t mean you’re getting fired.
- A headache probably isn’t a brain tumor.
- Saying something stupid doesn’t mean everyone thinks you’re a complete idiot.
Tip: If the worst happens, what will you do? Make a simple plan. Focus on things within your control.
#3. All-or-nothing thinking:
- I’ll never…
- I always…
- Everybody…
- Nobody…
- Everything…
Tip: Reject all-inclusive statements.
#4. Emotional reasoning:
- I feel stupid. Everyone is smarter than me.
- I’m anxious about flying. We’re going to crash.
- I feel like they don’t like me. I better find a new job.
Tip: The Truth about Emotion: Stop Solving Problems that Don’t Exist
Turn ANTs into PETs:
Turn automatic negative thoughts into “positive empowering thoughts” (PETs).
#1. Watch less cable news.
#2. Record self-defeating lies.
Keep a notebook of every lie you tell yourself for a day. At the end of the day, throw away the paper. Don’t do anything else.
#3. Have a conversation with your inner critic.
Refer to yourself by name. “Mary thinks she’s getting fired.”
#4. Don’t tell yourself positive lies.
Don’t tell yourself you’re great when you suck. Make a plan to improve. Do something about it.
What idea in this post resonates with you today?
What insights can you add?
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