The Lies That Defeat Us
Lies have power because they feel true. Negative self-talk feels accurate even when it’s ridiculous.
A nagging inner critic fits the category of “automatic negative thoughts” (ANTs). An ANTs infestation rules us until we listen with self-awareness.
The first step to defeating ANTs is noticing.
AI generated image 10/11/24 at 5:00 a.m.
Noticing ANTs – 4 Lies That Defeat Us:
#1. “Should” statements:
My coach says, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself so much.”
- I should be able to handle this without help.
- I should know what to do with my life by now.
- I should be happier.
Tip: Spend less time “shoulding” on yourself and more time doing what you can.
#2. Catastrophizing:
- Corrective feedback doesn’t mean you’re getting fired.
- A headache probably isn’t a brain tumor.
- Saying something stupid doesn’t mean everyone thinks you’re a complete idiot.
Tip: If the worst happens, what will you do? Make a simple plan. Focus on things within your control.
#3. All-or-nothing thinking:
- I’ll never…
- I always…
- Everybody…
- Nobody…
- Everything…
Tip: Reject all-inclusive statements.
#4. Emotional reasoning:
- I feel stupid. Everyone is smarter than me.
- I’m anxious about flying. We’re going to crash.
- I feel like they don’t like me. I better find a new job.
Tip: The Truth about Emotion: Stop Solving Problems that Don’t Exist
Turn ANTs into PETs:
Turn automatic negative thoughts into “positive empowering thoughts” (PETs).
#1. Watch less cable news.
#2. Record self-defeating lies.
Keep a notebook of every lie you tell yourself for a day. At the end of the day, throw away the paper. Don’t do anything else.
#3. Have a conversation with your inner critic.
Refer to yourself by name. “Mary thinks she’s getting fired.”
#4. Don’t tell yourself positive lies.
Don’t tell yourself you’re great when you suck. Make a plan to improve. Do something about it.
What idea in this post resonates with you today?
What insights can you add?
Purchase The Vagrant:
Negative thoughts fly overhead like a flock of birds circling a place to land. While we cannot stop the birds from flying overhead, we can prevent them from nesting in our hair.
Great point, Hank. We all experience spontaneous thoughts and feelings. There’s no sense getting upset about it. We can’t prevent them. We can choose our response to them. Frankly, trying not to think or feel something makes it more likely.
Love the acronyms.
Stay open and curious. Don’t jump to conclusions. Surround your self with people who will help you probe the ants and find the pets
Thanks, Paul. Curiosity answers many life challenges. If we can practice curiosity, we’re less likely to jump to conclusions.
Love the freeing idea of “practicing curiosity” Dan…moving away from assumptions and condemnation.
Thanks, Vic. It is freeing. Don’t pressure yourself to know all the answers.
Thanks Dan. “Have a conversation with your Inner critic” resonates with me well.
Thanks, CV. The idea of saying, “Dan (insert your name) says….” helps me get distance and think more objectively. Sometimes a little separation is useful. Cheers
Dan, here’s a phrase I share with people who are worried about not being good enough: Don’t worry about being great, just focus on being great at getting better, and greatness will take care of itself 🙂
Love the idea of “being great at getting better.” It’s a powerful way of looking at life and leadership.