Stress Management is a Scam
Stress management is a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. You’re still bleeding out.
Deep breathing doesn’t correct unrealistic expectations.
Taking a walk doesn’t resolve people-pleasing.
Squeezing a stress ball doesn’t help you establish boundaries.
Stress management doesn’t work when we ignore root causes.
Symptoms of stress:
- Headaches
- Muscle tension
- Body aches
- Fatigue
- Trouble sleeping
- Rapid heartbeat
- Dry mouth
- Lower immunity
- Irritability
- Difficulty concentrating or racing thoughts
- Loss of motivation
- Pessimism
- Indecisiveness
- Avoidance
- Overeating or loss of appetite
- Increased use of alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, or drugs
Chamomile tea won’t fix a broken team.
A weekend away won’t fix your attitude toward a toxic boss.
Meditation won’t fix a calendar filled with meaningless meetings.
Reject the glamour of solving symptoms. It’s easier to deal with fruit than to dig up the root. Ask yourself why you’re stressed.
Reject the Lies of Stress Management
Don’t just manage stress. Investigate it.
7 questions that dig deeper than symptoms.
- What am I tolerating that needs to stop?
- Where am I overcommitted—and why?
- How am I living someone else’s values?
- Where am I looking for satisfaction in the wrong places?
- How am I letting someone else run my life?
- Why don’t I speak up?
- What gives me energy?
Real relief from stress begins when you stop comforting symptoms and start confronting causes.
Get Real About Stress
Meaningful stress makes life worthwhile.
“Eustress (healthy stress) helps us stay motivated, work toward goals, and feel good about life.” Dr. Michael Genovese
The American Institute of Stress says good stress helps you grow. Anyone who goes to the gym understands that stress expands capacity.
A Final Word
Stress management strategies are often good for us. They just don’t solve the problem.
Which idea in this post seems most useful to you today?
Moving From Distress to Eustress – Leadership Freak
Dan
Thanks for the reminder that going deeper is part of getting better!
Love reading your posts!
Scott
Thanks, Scott. Here’s to making it a great week.
Wow, what a truth bomb on a Monday morning. Thank you for these words. I am 1.5 years from retiring from my current position, yes the stress battle continues. Appreciate you.
Thanks for the good word, Scott. Let me know when you master the “stress battle.” 🙂
Blown.A.Way. I’ve known your concept re: stress management but I couldn’t articulate why. Finally I will be able to move forward. “Stress Management is like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound” Love your work!
Glad to be useful, Christiana.
Love the 7 questions that dig deeper! These are helpful to get to the deeper issues and the behaviors that cause of stress! Thank you for this!
Thanks, Philip. Self-reflection that leads to self-awareness is at the heart of change. The hardest part of growth is often coming to grips with our own heart.
My 7-year old BFF that lives next door taught me a lesson in managing stress this weekend. He found a live cicada on a tree and we were observing it on a stick. He went to let it crawl on to his hand and started to panic – feet stamping and shouting “I am really stressed right now!!”. I calmly shifted it to my hand and let it crawl about. After seeing this he tried again and did much better. The following day, when we were looking at the exoskeleton, I asked him how he felt about it crawling on him the day prior. He said it was cool. When I asked how he got over his stress he said, “I just had to try it a few times.”
Most of what I want to avoid causes stress, and the stress could be handled by practicing what I need to do a few times. In addition to working through the deep questions to manage the problem itself, practicing something a few times can be an effective technique for reducing the emotion of stress and… growing to know I can handle the stress again in the future.
Powerful reflection, Heidi. Love the idea that avoidance is a stressor. Trying something is a stressor too, but it’s the kind that leads in a positive direction. We have had Cicada’s this summer. They’re scary looking.
Dan, thanks so much for the tools that may assist us in finding stressors. Oftentimes, we can feel stressed but are unable to find or articulate exactly what may be causing it. It may be professional, personal, spiritual, emotional, or mental, or it may be a combination of several areas. Then, the tidbit that there are actually good stressors is an excellent reminder. Thanks again, Dan.
My pleasure, Matt. I want to look outward to understand problems. But, looking inward at my own attitudes and behaviors is often more useful. Cheers
“Managing stress is like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. ” I love it!!!! Now that’s something I will remember, and it is so very true. In my line of work, my clients often request some guidance and/or help with stress issues in the workplace. Everyone wants to know how to “manage stress” and I always start with the first step. . . what is the cause. Let’s work on getting rid of the stress first. The results often lead to elimination, instead the added pressure of “managing” that stress. I always get tidbits of great advice from you, and I absolutely enjoy your sense of humor!!!!!!! Thanks
These are some powerful questions. Avoiding stress is also stressful. I love the cicada story from heidithomas07bebc8da9. “Stress management strategies are often good for us. They just don’t solve the problem.” THAT! Yes, we cannot solve problems in the midst of a stressfest. Stress management fuels problem solving skills.
Great thinking / writing!!! With a nod to business, instead of stress MANAGEMENT, we need personal LEADERSHIP in addressing the problem causing the stress.
Great article, Dan! A common phrase in stress management is “Remove stress from life,” but I find that sentiment pretty empty. It’s crucial to investigate the root causes of stress instead. I appreciate how you highlighted various remedies, from stress balls to meditation, and pointed out that many people overlook the importance of addressing the underlying issues. Thank you for your insight!