Office Politics in the Real World
It is sad to see how leaders suffer under the weight of being questioned, challenged, and occasionally held accountable. It is our duty to protect bosses from all discomfort.
Office politics (in many organizations) is the art of protecting leaders from the real world.
Immediately implement the following measures if you want to protect organizational rulers.
Protect the Boss with Office Politics
1. Never Speak Up
When leaders make poor decisions, nod vigorously and smile. When the decision leads to disaster, blame external factors. You can always point to government regulations.
2. Feed their Ego
Begin every meeting by flattering the boss. If you cannot find anything worthy of praise, admire their choice of socks or how they hold a pen.
3. Punish Dissent
Send contrarian employees to mandatory seminars on “positive thinking.” Give them a mug that reads, Team Player.
4. Practice Forgetfulness
Institutional memory is a threat to leadership stability. Forget goals on the first of every month and begin again.
5. Blame Downward
Assign obvious mistakes to the lower ranks. If necessary, invent scapegoats. (Interns and contractors work nicely.)
6. Keep Leaders Comfortable
Never give the boss bad news late in the day. It might disrupt their sleep. Better yet, avoid all bad news. If calamity is certain, sandwich it between flattery. (See #2 above.)
7. Create a Cult of Busyness
Always appear busy. If you don’t have anything to do, sit at your desk, clutch your head, and sigh theatrically. The appearance of busyness guarantees promotions.
Action Items
- Nod vigorously in today’s meeting.
- Compliment your leader’s presence. “My you look like a strong leader.” When you look at your boss, pretend you’re looking at a newborn baby.
- When you’re disappointed, pile on compliments. Replace honesty with office politics.
How are people playing office politics around you?
Read the following articles to understand ethical office politics.
The Six Rules of Office Politics
4 Dimensions of Office Politics that Matter Most
You Can’t Sit Out Office Politics HBR
Sarcasm is an interesting delivery tool. Or perhaps its the Irish coffee talking again.
Maybe both!
Nicely done! Brought a smile to my face this morning! After practicing any of the 7 , I find it helpful to sing Hakuna Matata on the way out the door.
LOL! Wonderful!
Is this a spoof? I’m not sure I am reading this article correct and maybe it’s meant to provoke a conversation? These are all the warmups that create office politics. No one wants to work in environments described by these points. There should be only seeking the truth and what is best for the organization and the tip brass should take accountability for the decisions. Read “Extreme Ownership”. Any company that does the above will loose all employees and customer. Watch remember the titans. Everyone in the organization should be focused on the goals, not any agenda other than that. Yes people need to understand who the people are, but everyone needs to be on board with the mission or leave, that includes the boss!
Happy to discuss live my views on this of you believe I am wrong
A spoof? Who me?
You forgot to add the tag to your post.
Otherwise, good job! 😁
Thanks for the feedback. I added the “sarcasm” tag.
I find my biggest challenge is to look at my boss like a newborn baby. I was born with my eyebrows furrowed.
Well, we all have our frailties. 😉
I had to check my calendar thinking I Rip Van Winkled to April 1st!
April Fools on September 17th makes it even more fun.
I’m usually not a huge fan of the sarcasm approach to teaching. Mostly because too many people don’t get it and often repeat what they hear or read without regard to what you were really trying to convey. Kudos for the varied approach, but I can see some people didn’t get it 😛
It’s true J. Humor on the Internet is dangerous. I plan to continue to live dangerously. Hopefully I’ll remember to use my “sarcasm” tag.
Good one today, Dan! Right on the money!!!
Thanks Cedar… I have fun writing this style of post. Glad you enjoyed.
The sad thing is that some people won’t register this as sarcasm without the tag because it is so darn possible for these things to actually happen in the workplace. That should give us pause.
That’s the thing about sarcasm. It only works if there is an element of truth.