Solution Saturday: My Head Hurts

Dear Dan,

I feel so frustrated. I just keep banging my head against the wall.

Any suggestions are appreciated.


Head Hurts

the wall you're banging against is about you

Dear Hurts,

Opportunities hinge on personal growth and open handed service.

Own it:

Sticking points in leadership are about us, not circumstances. Rather than blaming the wall for your hurting head, reflect on personal behaviors, choices, and false beliefs that built the wall.

The wall you’re banging against is about you, not the wall.

  1. Take a break from banging.
  2. Stop viewing “the wall” as something to push through.
  3. Think about growing through. Who is “the wall” asking you to become? What personal qualities and behaviors transform the wall into an opportunity?


What makes you think your future will be different? This question requires specific, behavioral answers. If you can’t answer the question, your future will reflect the present.

  1. Connect with new people. Pivotal moments are about people, not moments. “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” Craig Groeschel
    • Don’t ask them for help, just learn about them. The person is the message.
    • Watch for pivotal moments that others experience.
    • Listen for their beliefs about themselves.
    • Ask them about things they have let go in order to get where they are today.
  2. Stop doing things that aren’t working. What do you need to stop doing? Stopping is often the most painful part of growing through barriers.
  3. Read and reflect.
  4. Adopt a new behavior for a week.
  5. Reflect on your new behavior.
    • What did you try?
    • How did it work?
    • What did you learn?
    • What will you try next week?
  6. Monitor your energy. What gives you energy? How can you do more of that?
  7. Set high goals. Even if you fall short, you will get further with high goals.

How might leaders work through head-banging experiences?