Five Things That Go Up When Leaders Listen
Ears expand influence.
Leaders spend too much time thinking about talking and too little working on listening.
What would happen to the people around you if you were more excited to listen than speak?
Five things that go up when leaders listen:
- Engagement. Verbosity encourages disengagement. The next time you complain about disengagement, examine your listening.
- Energy. Think of a time when a leader really listened to you. I bet you were energized. Invite people to talk, if you want to increase their energy.
- Boldness. People who feel they matter act with boldness. You make people feel they matter by listening to them.
- Connection. Listening gives birth to connection.
- Commitment. People who don’t feel heard resist. People who don’t agree, but feel listened to, will commit.
The more you need to do, the more you need to listen.
Four listening tips:
- Fall in love with the voices on your team, not your own.
- Relax when others are talking.
- Spend as much effort planning your listening as you spend on your talking.
- Plan to listen much more than talk. If you have a lot to say, plan to listen a lot.
If you don’t have time to listen, you don’t have time to lead.
Listen for what isn’t said:
“The most important thing in communication is to hear, what isn’t being said.” Peter Drucker
- Messages.
- Needs and wants.
- Emotion.
- Intent.
- Purpose.
- Goals.
- Struggles.
The secret to expanding your influence is in your ears.
Tip: Controlling what people say isn’t listening.
How might leaders become better listeners?
“Fall in love with the voices on your team, not your own.” Tears of joy for this self-awareness. This piece really resonates with me. WOW!!
Thanks Yani. It’s interesting what comes out when we turn our focus toward others. Best wishes
“If you don’t have time to listen, you don’t have time to lead.”
– Powerful statement
Thanks Shawn. Cheers
It can be most difficult to listen when emotional stakes are highest, which often happens during disagreements. This is when listening is probably the most important yet the most elusive as our emotions just want us to defend ourselves or our positions.
Great post.
Thanks Chris. You write powerfully about the challenge of listening when the stakes are high. Perhaps our fear of losing cause us to stop listening. Thanks for your insights.
I would add “Hope” as something that goes up when leaders listen. Many times discouraged people look for reasons to hope when new leadership arises. Being really listened to is one sure sign they can be hopeful that the leader will make things better.
Thanks Jim. That’s powerful. 🙂
Yes, many things go up when you’re listening – really listening (not planning your reply back, for instance). But that’s only half of the impact. Regardless of how well you are listening, if you’re not listening, you’re most likely talking – causing an equally important list of things to go down, such as respect!!!
I really liked your list of things that you might be able to hear, but that aren’t explicitly being said.
That list also gives clues about what you can make explicit as a leader when it *is* your turn to speak: your feelings, your intentions, etc. Make them explicit so your listener doesn’t have to guess.
Sometimes easier said than done but it is important to relax when others talk. Relaxing helps you get away from closed defensive postures that turn people off. Relaxing also helps other communicate with you as a relaxed posture invites people share and stay longer than anticipated which allows you to learn more.