How to Respond to Unfair Critics without Bloodshed
Leadership includes the authority to act without asking permission. The downside of authority is unfair criticism.
Action invites criticism.
“Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” (Attributed to Aristotle.)
Criticism stings because you care what people think of you.
Responding to criticism is leadership opportunity.
4 powers of criticism:
- Demotivation. Even done well, criticism can deflate the best of us.
- Protection from catastrophe. Timely criticism has prevented many train wrecks.
- Strained relationships. It takes a mountain of good will to sustain a relationship through criticism.
- Retaliation. If you think you’ve escaped the inclination to retaliate, you’re confused.
Responding to unfair criticism:
Reflect, don’t retaliate.
Arrogance prevents growth. Humility learns and grows.
All criticism includes muddy misconception. No one fully understands your actions. Search for the gold in the mud.
Good intentions are no exemption from correction or criticism. You tried to do the right thing, but it turned out wrong.
Compliment, don’t criticize.
It’s a waste of mental resources to criticize a critic.
Compliments for critics:
- Notice heart. Thank you for caring about this.
- Notice values. Excellence is important to you.
- Notice action. Thank you for speaking up.
Perceive, don’t pontificate.
Critics say more about themselves than they say about you.
Emmet Fox said, “Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.”
- What do you know about critics from the things that set them off?
- How might you channel their energy for positive results?
Fuel up, don’t fall down:
Would you advise anyone to let others run their life? No! Then never let a critic be the reason you throw in the towel.
John Wooden said, “You can’t let criticism or praise get to you.” Praise is a bigger test than criticism, but the fear of unfair criticism prevents action.
How might leaders respond to unfair criticism?
Dan, They say “If the shoe fits wear it”, so in the line of fire with criticism we can pull up our sleeves, listen, decipher, and respond if need be. If we are indeed deserving of criticism embrace the critique and grow in a constructive manner. Sometimes it stings, such are life’s lessons that mature us. Now if those who critique are just flapping their gums surely a Leader will have a constructive rhetorical response since they are the Leader, sometimes you have to shine the shoe before we wear it!
Thanks Tim. I think the challenge of unfair criticism is discouragement. But taking time to pull up our sleeves…etc is more useful.
We might also consider if it’s time to remove a critic.
Compliments for the Unfair critics and criticism. I’ve found that the unfair critics as you hint mostly want to get a “rise” out of one. So don’t let the “b..tards” get a rise out of you. Take them for who they are smile broadly , “why thank you Denny on the input I’ll take it under consideration” . Then take a deep breath and let the rage go and move on.
Thanks Roger. “Smile broadly” … PERFECT.
Great post as usual, Dan! I think it is not always easy to know when criticism is unfair at first glance. Sometimes, I think it is determined over time. I wonder if reflection helps us to determine if it is fair or not before proceeding with the other steps. These are great tips for responding.
Thanks Ron. So glad you brought this up. There is the feeling that the criticism is unfair. And there is the reality that it might be fair.
This is really powerful today. I particularly appreciate “Perceive, don’t pontificate.” We DO get considerable insights into how people see themselves and the world by what they criticize about us. Understanding what drives other people helps us serve and respond better.
Thanks Jim. When we learn what’s important to a person we are better able to narrow our responses and speak to their true concerns.
Criticism has to be understood as such by the receiver. Easier said than done, but what if criticism can be reimagined as input and opportunity? In the moment, it’s not easy to stop, listen and reflect, as criticism naturally has an ugly connotation. I heard a phrase (and pardon me for not giving credit), ‘you’ll never be criticized by someone doing more than you.’ I think about that from time to time when I get frustrated with unwarranted criticism.