The Price of Perfection: Why Imposters Fail
Imposters seek help because they want others to change. After a brief conversation, she said, “I don’t really think I need anything.” She didn’t need anything because she didn’t want to grow herself.
Others needed to develop, but she didn’t.
She already led at her maximum potential. She didn’t need to explore options, gain new perspective, or more fully utilize her strengths.
I thanked her for the call and wished her well.
5 consequences of wearing a mask:
When you pretend you have it all together you end up falling apart.
Imposters…
- Pretend everything’s under control, as far as their responsibilities go. Elephants thrive where fakers live.
- Choose manipulation over saying no.
- Have answers but no questions. Heaven forbid they don’t know the answers or can’t do everything perfectly the first time!
- Point to others when things go wrong.
- Never have meaningful weaknesses.
Stress:
The weight of keeping up appearances is constant stress.
The frustration of doing the same thing and expecting better results disintegrates imposters. Ineffectiveness is inevitable.
Faking elevates distrust, making ineffectiveness inevitable.
How to help imposters find authenticity:
Imposters are consumed by what others think of them.
#1. Seek their best interest.
Frustration with posers feels like pressure and manipulation. Feel compassion and confront inconsistency for their benefit.
Learn and affirm their aspiration. Reach out; don’t wait for them to come to you.
People dare stop faking when bosses have their best interests at heart.
#2. Share your journey.
Begin a conversation with, “Let’s talk about things we learned from failure. I’ll start.”
Read a book together and share what you’re learning. Learners haven’t arrived.
#3. Maintain a forward-facing approach:
Ask what’s next.
#4. Practice vulnerability:
Invite feedback. Declare a growth intention and ask for suggestions.
What suggestions do you have for dealing with imposters?
How are you dealing with your own inclination to put on a mask?
Dig deeper:
The Path to Authentic Leadership Often Misses One Key Ingredient
5 Ways to Practice Vulnerability for Leaders
Six Ways to Find Your Courage During Challenging Times
The words you say to yourself impact the direction of your life. The Vagrant provides structured self-reflection exercises that will smooth the path forward for leaders. Order your copy today:
Feeling like an imposter happens when you feel insecure—not prepared or qualified to do some part of the job.
The answer—start by identifying the specific part of the job where you feel unqualified. Then take these actions:
1. Surround yourself with experts who have the experience and insights you need.
2. Hire a coach or find a mentor to help you fill in the gaps.
Gaining experience and expertise eliminates the “feeling like an imposter syndrome.”
Thanks, Paul. Learning to rely on the expertise and experience of others is life changing.
We hear all the time that in order to be a good leader, you have to keep growing and keep learning. That means more than just reading books about leadership, taking workshops, etc. One of the things that has helped me so much in my leadership has been therapy.
I started therapy about 6 years ago, and really examining my mental health, my past traumas and how they affect me today, and finding ways to heal and grow into a healthier person – all those have (hopefully) helped my leaderships skills.
Work on you first – remember for every finger you point, there are three others pointed back at you. What are you doing that you would point a finger at if it was someone else? Start there first.
Thanks, SB. “Work on you first.” I thought leading was all about others when I began. Today, I know it’s about me. Yes, it’s about others too. The question is who I aspire to become, not how can I fix others.
Are we talking about narcissists? Fake it till you make it types? As you say, Dan – Jerkholes, real imposters? Or are we talking about self-doubt, perfectionism, or any of the many saboteurs that can lead someone otherwise completely competent to do the work and lead (yes, with help, coaching, leadership training etc.), to feel like an imposter? Lot’s to unpack there for me. I do like #2 and #4. Thanks as always for the thinking nudge 🙂
Thanks for asking, Mark. I’m not focusing on self-doubt as much as people who need to be right. They often think looking like they don’t know or can’t do something is weakness.
As an insecure introvert, influencing others for much of my younger leadership life was attempted from a position of “strength” predicated on my own perfect performance. Unfortunately, this created a demoralizing unattainable standard at work (and at home) with those I was called to lead, resulting in so much lost opportunity for genuine influence. Life has a way of exposing you and I’ve since learned that “people may admire your strengths, but they connect in your weaknesses.” Imposters can’t connect. At the end of the day, does much else matter?
Wow! Thanks for sharing your journey. It’s so powerful. I’ve seen and experienced similar negative results from expecting perfect performance.
We connect over weaknesses on a personal level. Yes, great golfers like to hang with great golfers. But these people are also open about the things they are working to improve.