Dear Dan: My Direct Report Leaves Me Out of the Loop
(Leave your suggestions for “Out of the Loop” below.)
Hey Dan!
I have a direct report who used to report to my manager. They both work in the same office, and I am remote. She often goes to my manager with questions because they are in the same office, and then tells me about what they discussed/problem solved in my 1:1’s with her.
I have talked to my manager about it and asked her to try to encourage her to come to me, so that we can develop a rapport and so I can be more educated on her responsibilities. It is still happening though, and I find it disrespectful.
I don’t want to act like a micro-managing boss, but I do want her to respect me as her leader. I feel like I need to address it with her head-on, but don’t want to make the relationship worse.
Any advice?
As always, thanks for all you do!
Feeling out of the loop
Dear Out of the Loop,
You are right to feel concerned. Healthy work relationships are mutually supportive. You need your manager to feel supported by you. You also want direct reports to feel your support. And you need the people around you to back you up.
You’re at a disadvantage. Proximity matters. The leaders I work with appreciate the value of hallway conversations after returning to their offices. It’s futile to ignore this reality.
Communication seems open. You discuss conversations she had with your manager during 1:1s. Nothing underhanded seems to be happening, unless your direct report is manipulative.
Being out of the loop is unhelpful help:
Behaviors that weaken relationships weaken organizations.
Feedback and development deteriorate when reporting structures are blurred. Miscommunication is likely.
Perceived favoritism undermines team morale. Resentment festers and team members become self-protective.
Undermining your authority leads to conflict. If their work relationship is stronger, you’re the loser when disagreements happen.
The Wallstreet Journal published an article yesterday that relates. The ‘Coordination Tax’ at Work Is Wearing Us Down. It doesn’t address your concern directly, but it focuses on inefficient communication.
7 step approach:
You’re rightly concerned for yourself. I suggest you approach this with concern for your manager and the organization.
Try saying to your manager, “This situation isn’t helping you.” Reflect on the idea of unhelpful help mentioned above. Adapt it. Expand it. Most important, express your sincere desire to be supportive of your manager.
Explain your plan. Begin with, “I intend to have a conversation with my direct report.” Share your plan. Try something like this:
- I thought I would share this plan to get your feedback and advice.
- I’m working to strengthen my relationship with (Direct Report). It’s important for her growth and the strength of our organization.
- She frequently comes to you for things that should come to me. I understand that you have a relationship with her, but being out of the loop weakens my ability to connect.
- You may not intend to, but it feels like my authority is undermined when this happens.
- I want to support you. It seems like this situation adds work for you.
- After our conversation I plan to discuss this with my direct report. I’ll report back on our action plan to keep you in the loop.
- I’d like to schedule a meeting in a month to check in and see how this is going.
Tips:
My gut says your feel insecure in this situation. I don’t blame you. However, I encourage you to act with gentle confidence.
Seek advice. Telling invites resistance. Advice-seeking leads to openness, as long as it’s done sincerely. Say what you notice. Explain what you want from an organizational viewpoint. Explain what you have tried. Ask for suggestions on things you can do to improve this situation.
Explain what you want for yourself. Begin with an organizational viewpoint, but don’t exclude your own interests.
This article may be helpful: 7 Tips to Succeed with Difficult Conversations
You have my best,
Dan
What suggestions do you have for Out of the Loop?
What have you done when you felt out of the loop?
Note: I suspend my 300-word limit on “Dear Dan” posts.
I’ve been working from an idea of “humble confidence… or… confident humility for several years now. Your statement of “gentle confidence” fits with that!
Thanks for the encouragement this morning, as always…
Thanks, Mel. Language matters. Misconceptions about humility make modifiers necessary.
FANTASTIC advice…all the way through! Really, one of your best, Dan…and THAT’S saying a lot!
Thank you, Bob! I appreciate a good word from you.
After point #4–Here is what I recommend.
5. Ask your manager–What changes are you willing to make to correct this situation?
6. How should we explain these changes to my direct report.
The senior manager is the problem. She needs to take responsibility for correcting the situation. If she’s not committed to making specific changes, you’re wasting your time.
I like your suggestions. I would suggest executing number 5 before number four, so as to address the disadvantage to the senior manager first. I had this experience experience while serving in the military. It feels very awkward and somewhat threatening in the moment. Maintaining calm or gentle confidence is indeed essential.
Thanks, Michael. Good idea. Try to avoid an adversarial relationship with higher ups.
Thanks, Paul. I think you’re right. This is resolved quickly by the Sr. Manager. Navigating the path to get there is challenging. I’m glad you added ideas that give the boss opportunity to participate.
in this situation. I think there are additional opportunities both up and down the ladder.
5. With the supervisor in addition to explaining and requesting, it might be helpful to give them some language that they might use with the direct report such as “what does your boss think about that?” Or “How did your boss coach you when you asked him about that? “ Help they win by putting them in the mindset to accomplish what you hope. Remember that it’s an ego massage for them initially, create an ego massage that replaces the former.
6. With the direct report schedule regular check in meetings and ask more than just questions about what’s on their schedule for the day and what have they accomplished such as? Mentor them. Such as ask them “What would they do in a situation that you the supervisor are looking at. Give them a special project that you don’t have time for and coach them through it. Help them find the advantage in building a relationship and learning about what is the next step up the ladder.
Wonderful additions, Marcia. I appreciate that you put language to your ideas. It helps me imagine how a conversation might go.
Don’t use this situation to pull back. Your #6 is important. One question might be, “How would you mentor/support/challenge your direct report if this situation didn’t exist?”
Dan,
Oof this hit close to home. I had an extra challenge where the DR and their DRs reported to me on paper and to the organization but “behind the scenes” we both reported to the same manager. It was, as I think you would expect, not a good situation. I left.
Hi Dan
(Yes, I’m still alive!)
I think in your third step she should stare away from “out of the loop. I wonder if “falling on the sword is an alternative here. ” I feel I must be failing in my communication with ‘report’, what would you like me to change so that I am ‘reports’ first port of call? It’s important to me that i give you the support you need by managing communications from my own staff so they don’t encumber you. Is there a reason I need to be aware of that ‘report’ is not coming to me firstly?
Just an alternative approach to an unfortunate situation. I feel the error is (in order of significance) 1. the Senior Manager, 2. the middle manager, and lastly 3. with the report.
Best regards
Richard
How often we have come across such situations in our working life! We have or at least me have chosen different ways to address the issue with success and failure in equal measure. But through all this I learnt valuable insights about handling the situation and after a few situations like this, set the tone and structure in the beginning itself by ‘communicating’ effectively . This worked well for me. Your 7 step suggestion offers a whole new perception. Thanks Dan
While I agree with Dan’s suggestions, it seems like he only touched on “the elephant in the room” which is how tough it is to replace in person communication with remote connections. I observe this routinely in our company where, post COVID, it has become widely accepted that some type of remote work is OK. Most of the time it works, but there is SO MUCH lost when that becomes the only way we’re connecting. Unless there is a physical or geographic limitation that prevents the supervisor from connecting with her direct report in person, my recommendation would be to establish weekly in person meetings to set the tone for expectations and to foster a better relationship. Seems like her direct report needs that one on one attention. Without doing this, my concern is that she’ll just appear whiny to her supervisor by trying to elicit her help in fixing a problem that is created by trying to supervise remotely.