Do 3 things to Rise Above Self-Deception
Self-deception means feeling wrong when you’re right and feeling justified when you’re wrong.
“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” Solomon
Self-deception is self-betrayal.
Life’s foundations are sand when you stand on distortions. You believe you’re building a beautiful life but the tide of reality dissolves it.
Self-deception means:
- Inner turmoil.
- Unexpected consequences.
- Troubled relationships.
You can’t know yourself until you see yourself.
Do 3 things to Rise Above Self-Deception:
#1. Reject persistent self-accusation.
A loud inner critic might be right occasionally. But leaders who struggle with feeling incompetent are wrong about themselves. Everyone grapples with weakness.
The issue is what are you doing with your frailties and screw ups.
Project: Record everything your inner voice says to you for three days. Read your notes and burn them. Move on.
#2. Learn from your triggers.
Jung taught that people who irritate you are mirrors into yourself.
Project: Make a list of irritating people. Use them for self-reflection. What irritates you about them? What do they reveal about you? Perhaps there’s a person who makes assumptions about you. Are you speaking up with candor and kindness?
#3. Practice transparent journaling.
Evaluate your performance at the end of the day for five days. What did you do well? How are people responding to you? What did you do poorly?
Project: Keep your journal for five days and show it to a trusted friend who sees you at work. Ask them for feedback on distortions.
A variation of transparent journaling is seeking feedback immediately after an interaction. Tell the person what you notice about yourself. Ask, “What did you notice about our interaction?”
Conclusion:
Assume you are deceiving yourself. If you aren’t deceiving yourself, you aren’t human.
How might leaders deal with our tendency toward distorted self-perception?
Which of the above projects seems most useful to you?
Dig Deeper:
Leadership and Self-Deception (Book, new edition coming Aug. 27, 2024)
John David Mann and I wrote a book about a leader who was trapped in self-deception. He was blind to himself. Read the story to discover how he gradually found himself in, “The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership.“
I recently came across a Book Leadership & self-deception by THE ARBINGER INSTITUTE.. good one.
Yes, and a new edition comes out Aug. 27.
it appears your link also points to the same.. new edition. thank you
1. Reflect your your decisions. What were the major reasons you did what you did?
2. Reflect on your successes. What traits and skills helped you succeed. (be specific)
3. Reflect on your failures. What did you misjudge? What should you have done? What skill needs improving?
Each of these actions will help you see yourself more clearly. Also, discuss your self-reflections with your mentor, colleagues, or trusted friends to solicit their observations.
Be open to other interpretations.
Some of us need to reflect on the reasons for success so we don’t beat ourselves down so much. Others need to do the opposite, so we don’t live in a bubble.
Yes, good points.