4 Questions that Expose Ulterior Motives
Ulterior motives reveal hidden reasons. A salesperson gives you a gift to create a sense of debt. Your boss gives you a high-risk opportunity and steals the spotlight when it succeeds. A gossip pretends to care about your problems so he can spread dirt on you.
Manipulators conceal selfish intent.
Leaders with Ulterior Motives:
- Use others for their own gain.
- Devalue people’s contributions.
- Drain team morale.
- Wear out sincere contributors.
- Limit freedom and initiative.
- Dangle false hope.
- Keep information as currency.
Ulterior motives serve selfish ends. The temptation to elevate yourself at the expense of others expands with position and authority. Manipulation thrives where fear of loss is greater than love of service.
4 Questions to Expose Ulterior Motives:
#1. Focus on actions.
Don’t get taken in by smooth words. Forget what people say. Remember what they do. How many times were you promised a promotion, but the time wasn’t right?
#2. Notice patterns.
Repetition reveals intent. Patterns expose character. How often are your priorities pushed aside while someone else’s agenda rises?
#3. Ask who wins.
Sincere leaders serve shared goals. Manipulators prioritize self-interest. Who walks away with recognition? Who’s left cleaning up the mess?
Servant leaders praise the people who actually do the work.
#4. Say no.
Notice how they react to not getting their way. Do they guilt-trip, isolate, or punish you for setting boundaries?
Final Warning:
Ulterior motives destroy with a smile. Manipulators don’t serve others; they use people.
Don’t squander your talent on shadow games. Your energy is too valuable to serve someone else’s secret agenda.
Which idea in this post resonates with you?
What advice do you have for someone working with a manipulator?
7 Ways Manipulators Get What They Want
Ulterior Motives | Psychology Today
Awesome post today!
This article serves as a reminder to always check yourself and those around you. I have seen instances where the manipulator almost ‘grooms’ their team or leader so their behavior can go un-noticed for a period of time. Once it has been called to the table – you may be knee deep into being manipulated yourself.
You bring up an important idea. People with ulterior motives often have the ability to prepare for the future. They’ve learned that it takes preparation to manipulate people. I think the use of relationships is central to this.
I was struck by the term “shadow games” in the Final Warning of this post. So, I read the two suggested posts listed and then searched for more on your site. The first one that came up was from Jan. 20, 2013, The Secret To Defeating Manipulators. It fit right in with today’s post. Thanks Dan for manipulating me to do more research on the topic. Glad you are better!
🙂
You remind me that two people might praise you, for example. One of them is manipulating and the other is encouraging. The difference is one is self-serving and the other is generous service. Thanks for jumping in today, Tim.
Welcome back, Dan… glad to hear you are on the mend and back to your brilliant articles! This one hits home thinking about a previous supervisor who was a big manipulator. I spotted it early on and was able to establish boundaries and not have his behaviors affect my work.
Congratulations, Lisae. Sometimes it takes too long to see what’s happening. Early detection allows for defeating the negative impact of someone who really isn’t concerned about you.
Can I be honest and tell you that this is a struggle for me? I am really good at seeing and discovering talent and putting together a team. I would pool 3 or 4 people together and work on projects. These were projects that I was to oversee, but I did not know as much about as the team that I put together to create them. At points I began to wonder if I was using these people to build my career??? I think it was important that (1) I thought about this and (2) I gave the people who helped the full credit. I publicly told my supervisor and I made public announcements to the entire large team that these people had been integral parts of this creation. I hope I did not cross the line because I still got credit. My boss was very happy the projects were of such good quality. Did I overstep the line?
I respect your concern. It’s useful to be skeptical of ourselves. We can deceive ourselves. Success brings its own seductions.
When teams succeed, their leaders succeed. Enjoy the credit. Share it. Use it as energy. Let it validate the path of service. When we give praise, we often receive it. When we express gratitude, it’s often returned. It’s harmful to block that dynamic. It’s healthy to enjoy it. Let others know their praise encourages you. And of course, continue focusing on serving others.
Check your personal agenda. Are you working for the greater good or self-interest solely. The desire to get ahead is useful. But lift others instead of pushing them down.
Truly great post! A rather frequent topic during interactions at work, life in big cities, and even with relatives and friends.
Thank you, Sergio. Hidden agendas are part of reality. Cheers
A little contrarian view : felt this was too negative on leadership.. is it so bad?
May be i have been fortunate that i couldn’t relate to such behaviour
Thanks anyway. It also guides me what people will expect from me as a leader
Thanks C.V. One thing left out of this post is we all have mixed motives. Most of us grapple with doing things for selfish reasons and sincerely serving. In my experience if we don’t feel a tug toward putting self before others, we may have already given in. I think it’s just reality. When you feel overlooked or taken advantage of it seems to rise up. For what it’s worth.