3 Stunning Advantages of Failure
We worship success because we want it. But we gain possibilities in the failure.
Blunders make you beautiful.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was wrong when he told his daughter, “Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.”
Remember blunders. Falling short is the edge of transformation.
Reflect on success:
I asked John Maxwell what he has learned from success. He chuckled and said, “Not as much as I’ve learned from failure.”
Success fuels energy. Remember wins to build courage. You see yourself at your best.
The danger of success is arrogance caused by forgetting mistakes. Ego closes your ears and opens your mouth.
Reflect on failure:
Failure offers three necessary advantages.
#1. Humility
Mistakes burst the bubble of certainty. Not knowing opens your heart.
We learn to trust others when we have mud on our face.
#2. Learning
“Those who think they know, don’t.” —Edward de Bono
Success gives answers. Failure raises questions. Vitality begins with questions.
Get the most from screw ups by asking a few key questions.
- What did I do that led to this point?
- What did I not do that led to this point?
- What will I do differently next time?
- How am I different because of this experience?
#3. Empathy
After blunders, you feel with people—not just for them.
Empathetic leaders:
- Build strong relationships that increase influence.
- Enjoy loyalty from others.
- Show people they’re valued and understood.
- Generate enthusiasm.
- Create openness to receive instruction.
Final thought:
Success elevates. Failure educates.
How can we reflect on failure without growing discouraged?
Dan,
I have failed many times in my career, but I will never consider myself a failure. When I have failed, I have assessed myself, risen back and applied what I learned from my mistakes and move forward. And let me say, this doesn’t mean I was not upset at my failures and some really hurt. But, I try again.
Here are my three rules:
1. Allow yourself to make mistakes and fail and when you fail, fail fast and move forward.
2. Assess what really caused the mistake and/or failure. You are not the only one who likely made that mistake or failure (or a similar one) before.
3. If you cannot learn one thing from your mistake or failure, then you need to try to fail again. Arrogance is thinking that you are unable to fail.
Here’s to all those who tried and failed and grew.
Hayim. Your three rules are wonderful. Rule #3 is my favorite. “If you cannot learn one thing from your mistake or failure, then you need to try to fail again.” So powerful.
You might like the language of “responsible” failure. I find it overcomes the feeling that some might get that failure doesn’t matter. No. Failure hurts.
Dan Reeves, former NFL player and coach, was a part of several conference championship teams. He was asked if any of those games stick out and without missing a beat, he said, “The ones I lost.” Failure can be a valuable roadmap if we are willing to honestly evaluate and learn from the experience. We have to admit mistakes and errors of judgement; and yet have a suppurative team around to help us not completely drag ourselves down (I can sometimes beat myself up after failure). Thank you for this post.
It doesn’t take much for sincere people to beat themselves up. When they have aspirations, it’s even easier. It great to acknowledge the loud inner critic. Naming the concern helps.
As you indicate, forgetting mistakes limits us. Of course, dwelling on them doesn’t help either. It’s the learning that counts.
It also doesn’t take much for sincere, teachable people to be pushed down even further by “the liars and and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world” and all the people who listen to them. Narrow indeed is the path.
Really appreciate this post! I have this quote on my desk for students to see, but mostly as a reminder to myself: “Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” ~ Mary Tyler Moore
Love the quote, Heidi. Mary Tyler Moore was a wise woman. Thanks for sharing.
As a creative professional, you may find that finding errors in technology is easier than finding errors in judgment. A developer’s task of finding a code error is less personal than a marketer’s task of finding an error in their plan. The marketing strategy is more personal, more born of individual creativity. It’s like a blog writer, whose product flows from a creative side. For all of us, finding that trusted source of criticism to learn from our errors is a challenge. It’s not about hubris, but about the deeply personal nature of our creative work.
Beautifully written, Ken. Your phrase, “finding errors in technology is easier than finding errors in judgement,” speaks to me. It’s easier to see an issue “out there.” As you say, it’s less personal. Much appreciated.
I think the toughest part of learning from failure is figuring out why it happened. A lot of people skip the careful reflection and analysis it takes to identify the real issue.
I also like the idea of learning in real time. Some tennis players actually improve as a match goes on because they’re able to notice what’s not working, make adjustments, and keep adapting.
Just last week, I hit the best topspin forehand of my life — but the frustrating part was, I couldn’t quite pinpoint what I did to make it happen. I’m still trying to crack that code.
I feel your pain, Paul. What did you do that worked that time? On the flip side, what did you do that didn’t work, exactly? And what didn’t you do?
It’s easy to jump to an “obvious” reason for a failure. I like to find something “out there” to blame so I don’t have to change.
Dan, one of your best insights this year. Not easy to apply the principals you espouse here when your practical self has somehow failed your idealistic self (not knowing nor being told why you failed is a termite in the soul). The old adage helps however, “We’re here to learn, not to stay.”
Hey, John, thanks for sharing your insight. Your language is clear and helpful. The use of “practical self” cp. “idealistic self,” brings an important issue to mind. My ideal self is always an ideal. It’s never fully attained. It helps to face reality. This approach is a freeing perspective on responsible failure.
Great insight John. I have never thought about this in the same way you explain here, “Practical self vs. idealistic self.” I enjoy woodworking. I’m not a master like my dad was, but I enjoy it nonetheless. There are so many times I have a structure in my mind to build but lack the practical experience to make it become reality, and this can be very frustrating. The same applies to my “real” job at times.