Anger: Your Fierce Ally
Anger is a Check-Engine Light
The idea that anger is bad is poppycock. Feelings are information. Frustration is the most informative.
Hot emotions are a check-engine light. Yellow calls for maintenance. Red says, “Look under the hood.”
Warning lights don’t cause problems. They reveal them.
Frustration is a signal, not a solution. It says something is wrong. We often blame others for our heat. But hot emotions handled well are fierce allies.
Danger
Untended frustration makes us stupid. It clouds judgment, hijacks energy, and drives destruction.
Leaders who ignore the warning light damage relationships, teams, and themselves.
Personal impact of untended anger
- Broken trust. Hot emotions make us unpredictable. Credibility is easily lost.
- Fatigue. Frustration fuels bursts but drains energy over time.
- Regret. The hurt of angry words stains relationships.
- Self-blindness. Frustration shifts focus to others. Apart from self-reflection, blame replaces growth.
Hot emotions motivate poor decisions.
Organizational pain of untended anger
- Job dissatisfaction. Work loses joy.
- Low morale. Tension and hostility drain enthusiasm and commitment.
- Fearful teams. Anxiety smothers experimentation.
- Stalled innovation. People hold back ideas to avoid becoming targets.
- Lost talent. Good people leave toxic environments.
Tending to Your Fierce Ally
When feelings flash red, pause and ask:
- What is frustration telling me about myself?
- What values feel violated?
- What outcome am I hoping for?
- What action will improve the situation instead of making it worse?
- What boundaries should be established?
Frustration mutates into resentment. Resentment breeds self-sabotage. Leaders who ignore their inner ally risk damaging relationships, teams, and themselves.
The peril is pretending the light isn’t red. Hot emotions aren’t the enemy. Untended frustration is.
What value do you see in frustration?
How to Use Anger to Make You a Better Leader
The Role of Anger in Motivating Leadership – PMC
Frustration arises when an obstacle stands between you and your goal. When it happens, step back. Identify what’s within your control, let go of what isn’t, and explore more effective paths to achieve your goal.
Thanks for the reminder to check emotion. That may be particularly helpful in certain family conversations this week.
The value I see in frustration is as you mentioned, Dan. “When feelings flash red, pause and ask…” Investing in finding the root cause is a path to understanding and healing.
Frustration is a cheap emotion. Valuable, but cheap. Cheap because it can be caused by many different underlying issues (hurt, sadness, anger, etc.). Valuable because, when handled properly, it can help lead us to a better understand of ourselves.