Journey to silence
HARRY M. JANSEN KRAEMER, JR., is the former chairman and chief executive officer of Baxter International Inc., a $9 billion global healthcare company with 52,000 team members. He’s a clinical professor of management and strategy at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management and author of, “From Values to Action: The Four Principles of Values-Based Leadership.”
I just got off the phone with Harry Kraemer and my ear is on fire.
Harry’s words sprayed out of my ear piece like a machine gun. Don’t think I’m complaining. I’m grinning from ear to ear. Harry defines “passionate advocate.”
After it was over, my wife told me she wondered why I was laughing.
Here’s what’s funny. Harry spent much of our conversation passionately explaining the importance of silent self-reflection.
Harry’s path to self-reflection began 31 years ago when at 23, he met a girl. More specifically, he met Tom Jansen, Julie’s father.
Tom thought he should get to know the young man that was dating his daughter. So, the second weekend in December Harry landed in frigid St. Paul Minnesota to spend time with the man who eventually became his father-in-law.
Upon arriving, Harry learned Tom had plans for them. I don’t know about you, but it makes my stomach hurt just hearing “dad” had plans.
Tom explained he was taking Harry on a retreat.
I’m thinking skiing, backpacking or some other man-bonding activity.
No sir! Tom took machine-gun-talking Harry Kraemer on a silent retreat at a monastery for three days of personal reflection! Harry told me he hadn’t been quiet for three minutes much less three days.
My palms are getting sweaty just thinking about it.
A surprising tipping point:
When I asked Harry about a tipping point in his life, he started talking about a 10-below Minnesota winter and three days with “dad.” Surprisingly, Harry hasn’t missed a silent retreat in 31 years. Here’s why.
“If you are not self-reflective, how can you truly know yourself? If you do not know yourself, how can you lead yourself? And if you cannot lead yourself, how can you possibly lead others?”
Part 2 of my conversation with Harry: Three Things Strong Leaders Do
Have you found value in self-reflection?
What techniques aid self-reflection?
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Good morning Dan! Thank you for a great post on such an important part of growth. As I have gone through many life experiences: Recovery from alcoholism, birth of children, divorce, and career changes. I have had embraced self reflection in every situation to determine where I was wrong, what the experience has taught me, and how can I use this experience to help others. Self reflection has become a habit of mine to evaluate how I interact on a daily basis with my peers, direct reports and those that I report to. I ask myself two questions. What did I do well and what could I improve on.
Hi Phil,
I’m sure your story will encourage LF readers.
The leadership journey that includes looking within is so surprising to me. Yet, I find it makes a huge difference.
Best,
Dan
I’ve done a personal retreat a few times, usually to a local state park. I stay alone in a cabin, walk in the woods, write, think. I always come back refreshed and with a better perspective on who I am and why I do what I do. Silence is really hard to achieve in our society, and hard to deal with when we do achieve it. Kudos to you, Dan, and to Harry for giving it the value it deserves.
Greg,
Wonderful idea. Thank you for the good word.
Cheers,
Dan
I have done this several times Dan. gone off by myself, fasted, prayed, read, studied, slept, rode my bike (by the 3rd day not much energy left), but have always come back out of sorts. I know…but i don’t know. It was good to be alone but I struggle with whether I heard from God or whether it was my own “voice” that I heard. I hope you will be covering this in a post somewhere down the line. Thanks for the challenge. I need to get away again.
Hi Bill,
I wonder if your “out of sorts” experience might be connected to expectations?
You comment reminds me that for years I rejected the idea of looking within. I’m coming to appreciate the benefits of the activity.
For me personally, it’s not a matter of am I hearing from God or my own voice. Here’s why. I embrace the idea that I am made in my makers image. As long as the things I’m thinking about are useful expressions of service to others, I go with them. I don’t ask if it’s me or God. It’s too confusing to figure that out.
Personally, I adopt a “keep moving forward approach.”
Well, thats a bit too much info. For what it is worth.
Dan
“If you are not self-reflective, how can you truly know yourself? If you do not know yourself, how can you lead yourself? And if you cannot lead yourself, how can you possibly lead others?”
Wow, Dan. It’s not that these words have never been spoken in some context or other, it’s the simplicity of these words strung together that has an impact that shakes your very existence. I am going to use this at the start of my global meetings and ask participants to reflect on it for a few minutes before we dive into the agenda of the day!
Basudhaa,
I’m with you. There’s enough in those sentences to keep leaders busy for a long time.
You might be interested to know that Harry is a firm believer in simplicity.
Best to you,
Dan
Dear Dan,
Self reflection leads to know yourself and to lead others. I agree however the statement draws some questions. What is reflection. To my mind reflection is showing, expressing and revealing to others. Self reflection is showing and expressing to others. Can you lead without being self reflective, and what do we really understand by self reflective. I think self reflective means showing, reacting, learning and leading. When you are self reflective, people may react and question your actions and decisions, and in the process you will learn and finally you refine your self reflection and lead others. Reflection can be in any form, verbal or non verbal. And non verbal reflection plays potential role in leading others.
Yes, in the self reflection, it it the value that reflect and influence. Any things that do not reflect values, may not help you to lead others. And non verbal technique works in value based self reflection. I think the most powerful self reflection is silence. It means by your exemplary work you can be role model. You can create change by your achievement and accomplishment. You can shut up many people around you by your achivement even without saying anything. And that is the power of silent values.
Ajay,
You surprise me with your comment today. Not in a bad way.
I’m surprised by your inclusion of others in the self-reflection process. Thanks for adding your perspective to this important topic.
As always, best regards,
Dan
Ajay is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. You can read his bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/ajay-gupta
I think it’s really cool that these modern-day examples of great leaders all point to something larger than themselves. Collectively, they say things like:
I had to stop living in my head and start listening to my heart;
I have to understand who I am and what I stand for;
I need to follow my passion not just a paycheck;
I have to move out of my comfort zone and grow;
I need to connect with something beyond myself.
All great advice that speaks of the innate desire in everyone to find deeper meaning in life… true in all fields of work. Thanks.
Peace.
I have wanted to go on a silent retreat for a long time. I suspect I would find it more difficult than I anticipate, even though I am relatively introverted in many ways (not, obviously, in my writing!).
I am not sure I would send one of my children’s potential significant others on one – it certainly sounds like it ended up being a win-win for Harry, Julie and his extended family-to-be.
I really appreciate you including Harry’s list of “self-reflection” questions as well. I think it so often boils down to #4 – How did I treat people? And if I were to add anything to an already comprehensive list, I would possibly add “How did I treat myself?” I think checking in on how we handled our own internal spiritual and physical resources dovetails with Harry’s “If you cannot lead yourself, how can you possibly lead others?” I would tweak that (for purpose of this comment) to “If you cannot take care of yourself, how can you possibly take care of others?”
One tool that I have used for a bit of self reflection is “#Reverb10/#Reverb11” (www.reverb10.com), which started off as a way to process 2010 and has continued on with monthly “reflective” prompts in 2011. This was one of my December 2010 Reverb10 posts:
http://waytenmom.blogspot.com/2010/12/remembering-ordinary-moments-reverb10.html
Enjoyable and informative post, Dan.
It was in the woods of Northern Minnesota a few years back that I had an epiphany experience. One evening on my solo camping trip I was staring into the flames of my little campfire. My thoughts were with the fire, and nothing else. It oddly occurred to me that what I was feeling in that moment was similar to when I am in a state of burnout, when I’m only able to focus on one thing at a time. Then the AHA! hit me. I had always thought of burnout as my mind degrading into a dysfunctional state. But in reality when I’m burned out my mind is returning to a more natural state. It’s not meant to be continually churning at high revolution on a myriad of different problems all at the same time. Finding sustained periods of quiet downtime is so critical to keeping the cerebral engine purring along. Another lesson from the north woods is that if you turn your flashlight off at night, you will eventually see much more of the stars above and the forest around.
Dan,
That was really,really good. The message really touched my heart. Run away from the world’s noise and chase after God’s peace and embrace. It will definitely do something to your level of leadership!
Dan,
This post is excellent. Most wouldn’t even bring this motif into the leadership conversation. For some reason your conversation with this leader makes me think of “Reflection-in and on-action.”
I will post a link here for those that want to learn about it.
It is off the subject, but is worth noting.
http://bit.ly/gjuBtJ
Ah Silence. How golden is that. I was fortunate to have a very small high school senior class and a dedicated Jesuit Psychology/Sociology Professor who was a big believer in retreats and self reflection. We spent an entire weekend on a little key off Miami just 19 of us in our individual tents meeting only for meals and spending the rest of the time (after some instruction from our teacher) consumed in deep thought either facing the sunset, sunrise, the beach, the waves, or just glimpsing up at the sky or staring at a little chipmunk making his way through the shrubs. Sharing our self experiences and learning about each other cemented relationships that persist and endure until today some 40 years later. We have recently put together a small group of physicians called the MD Ambassadors to create leadership mentors and open a forum for physician wellness. We start all of our meetings with a meditation exercise to empty our buckets and make room for new thoughts and knowledge. We meet the first Monday of the month for an evening of both self and group reflection. Last night’s theme was humility and it is fascinating to listen and hear other folks perspective of their experiences with being humble and how it has enriched their lives. Over time (we have been meeting now for almost 15 months) we have all grown very close and the depth of sharing continues to amaze me. Personally this has made me stronger in spirit with a renewed appreciation for how intricate we all are and yet how simple it is to offer comfort and solace to someone in pain. The words of Harry Kraemer ring ever so true, for really how can we know ourselves without self reflection, and how can we lead others and if first we have not led the leader. Great Post Dan, thank you for sharing and another book to go on my ever growing reading list. Cheers Al
Great post, Dan – you’re spot on about self-reflection. It’s so important for a leader to “know thyself” first and foremost if they want to get anything about those they are leading.
So for those us with quick ‘yeah-buts’ who may have said, ‘oh geez, that’s great that he can get away for all that time and not have all these _______(fill in blank) that I have to do for my work or ton of home projects. I just don’t have the time.’
If the above state is accurate (have to wonder), then modify, adapt, do a lower level variation. Sure, the high level might be a month long vision quest, however, given all those ‘things’ you ‘have’ to do, can you carve out the better part of a day, or even 3-4 hours? Tap into that. Any of Harry’s 7 questions could be your query for that time. There is no rule that all self reflection needs to be high level. Do a home project that requires repetition and time with minimal safety requirements (gardening for weeds are one of my faux Zen times) and use that time. Still have to keep focused on the inner questions rather than distracted by external environment. Or if you are going on a really long drive, perhaps, while still attending to your driving, you could do some low level self reflection.
“How can you lead others if you have not first led the leader”~ Al Diaz. It not just about going on silent or retreat but about being reflective in the silence. Great post Dan.
Lolade
Couldn’t agree more. Life without conscious listening to, and management of, one’s inner life is like manning a boat with no sails or rudder. So susceptible to current, wind and tide… cast a drift. No way to lead self or others. 🙂