How to Become a Fascinating Leader
Fascinating leaders ask questions. The rest are dullards.
Leaders who don’t ask questions are uninteresting, short-sighted, self-absorbed, and ineffective.
Bores don’t ask questions. Success requires curiosity.
Tips from the best:
Bob Tiede, owner and author of, “LeadingWithQuestions.com:”
- Most of the best questions are short and simple.
- Always ask the second question.
- Be comfortable with silence.
Most importantly, when asking questions:
Mark Miller, VP of Leadership Development Chick-fil-A:
“You rarely get answers to questions you don’t ask. Ask the question.” The most important thing about curiosity, after having it, is expressing it.
After asking a question, Mark suggests that you, “Let the other person do 95% of the talking – there is no need for you to answer your own questions.”
Mark also suggests that you avoid, “Multiple questions masquerading as a single question – Ask only one question at a time.”
- Ask.
- Listen.
- Don’t ask more than one question at a time.
Warren Berger, author of, “A More Beautiful Question:”
“Your questions should be rooted in genuine interest and curiosity. They shouldn’t be phony or have an agenda.”
“Questions can be confrontational by nature, so try to ask them with a tone/language that shows respect to the person that is being questioned.”
“If you’re going to ask questions be prepared to take ownership of them, to actually act on them, and rally others to join you.”
- Authenticity.
- Respect.
- Commitment.
Pam Smith, VP for Student Advancement at Biblical Theological Seminary:
Consider that a great question can be a simple one: In fact, one word can be powerful: “And?” can add surprising depth to an answer.
What question-asking tips work for you?
What should leaders avoid, when asking questions?
Don’t miss: “What if you Aren’t That Smart.” More insight on asking questions from Mark Miller, Warren Berger, Bob Tiede, and Pam Smith.
What should leaders avoid when asking a question? Blame – Why did you do that? This immediately puts the wrong tone to the conversation.
One correction to the assumptions. They are not “Leaders” They are “Managers” of events. Those assumptions you reference,when real, are exposure of their inadequacies and fears. Use that as a clue to vulnerabilities in solutions as well as opportunities for change and advancement. Just don’t become predatory or you become like them.
Love questions. I wish I had more disciple and insight to ask more. There was a book written back in the 80’s with questions organized by various topics. Does anyone have anything recall about that?
Thanks Randy. “Power Questions,’ by Sobel and Panas have some useful lists of questions. You might check that out.
In my experience, many leaders are afraid to ask questions (or simply don’t even entertain the idea of doing so) because of the long history, and myth, that questions make you look weak, dumb, or lacking in some way. The Tech Industry particularly suffers from this problem as so often engineers are promoted to management roles without any qualitative program for leadership development. Those engineers then carry on the false belief that the more you seem to know the “better” you will appear as a manager, and asking questions doesn’t fit that narrow paradigm.
Fortunately much of the younger generation of engineers leans more towards a less ego-based mode of collaboration and Tech companies are learning that engineers (which I started as myself) need help to become great leaders.
Thanks James. I’m glad you added the misconception that questions make you look weak. Perhaps we should say, that the way we respond to not-knowing makes us look weak or strong. Discomfort with not-knowing reflects ego-driven weakness. Learning, adapting, listening, and making decisions reflect strength.
Your inclusion of ego-base language is powerful in any discussion about curiosity and, more specifically, asking questions.
There’s other key ingredients. Two are Personality and a natural inquisitiveness which is inherent to that person. Its a natural flow and ebb. And those questions surface as a result of that natural inquisitiveness to guide and extract
You can teach the concept, but the application is a finesse of that “natural” aspiration. That is why Leaders are so few and so many Managers held in disdain
Thank you Don. The idea that curiosity and asking questions is connected to natural inquisitiveness is important. We are by nature curious. In this case, following our nature makes sense.
On the other hand, our natural curiosity might get beaten out of us when we are punished for it.
“Leaders who don’t ask questions are uninteresting, short-sighted, self-absorbed, and ineffective.”
Those who ask plenty of questions, all of which are a constant variation on the underlying theme of “Why have you failed to deliver the task I set you?” aren’t that fascinating either!
Love it! Thanks Mitch.
What if your leader ignores the questions you ask? Is he too busy to answer them or are questions not important?
Thanks Daisy. Being ignored is always disappointing and frustrating. If you are the only person he ignores, be concerned. If he ignores others, like he ignores you, there isn’t much you can do. Ask someone else?
In leadership and management these days we hear the word “authentic” used a lot—as if it is a prized goal, rather than a daily practiced character quality. And now, Dan, when you connect it to essential questions, “authentic questions” may perhaps take on new meanings.
Authenticity and author have the same root. To be authentic can mean we are to be the author of our own lives. For example, maybe our questions can align our long term goals and immediate goals to fit together…so that pursuing our short-term goals advance the pursuit of our long-term goals.
And authenticity connotes honesty and integrity via our ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs— and behavior. When our behavior is congruent with our professed values–when ideals, practices and questions match up—we can think of ourselves as authentic.
We also need principles of behavior—moral conviction about what is and is not appropriate— assessments and judgments about right and wrong action. We are authentic when we author our lives with the integrity-of-congruence: Our thoughts, words, questions, and behavior match. This is a great accomplishment, personally and professionally.
Authenticity, then, is to be ourselves in a world that is constantly trying to make us “something” else.
Thanks Books. Love how you expanded the authenticity aspect of questions that Warren added to the post.
Your last line reminded me that we start out life as people who are, in large part, defined by others. Parents, teachers, religious leaders all “mold” us. I have no problem with this. However, there comes a time when we begin to author our own lives. It’s an important beginning that begins a life-long journey.
At the beginning, the journey of authenticity is pushing back at pressures. As time passes, we begin pushing inward and outward. Inward to reflect and outward to express.
Wow, Dan, talking about expanding on comments and discussion, your response in elaboration to my comment is something I didn’t even think about. Honestly, I was just trying to define authenticity to myself, as in my day there was no mention of the word. Someone was simply a “good person.” Yet like YOU so eloquently say we are on a journey–and life is understood backwards, but lived forwards. Thank you.
You were just trying to define authenticity to yourself. Our journey is the message. 🙂
Hi Dan: I agree questions are so important. Knowing one can ask open questions ( begin with who, what, when, where, how and why) to explore possibility, discover what is really going on and using closed questions (can be answered with yes or no) to confirm what you have heard, maybe finalize a decision expands our scope of curiosity. Curiosity is non-judging so as someone mentioned above, when we judge we tend to blame. When we are truly curious and open, we no longer blame or shame, rather we facilitate exploration and discovery.
Thanks Kathy. You got me thinking about judging vs. discerning. Judgmental curiosity is about proving a point. Discerning curiosity is seeking what works and/or makes things better. Judging, as condemning, is about what doesn’t work.
Most of us are great at knowing what we don’t like and what doesn’t work, judging. It takes real leaders to figure out what we want and what’s working, discerning.
Quoting: “Be comfortable with silence.” Such an important notion associated with exploring curiosity through asking questions!!!
There’s the obvious – as noted in the post: In asking the question, it’s (or should be) much more than corroborating your answer; you are seeking input to improve your understanding!!!
But to me, the best reason to just listen has to do with processing the information!!! I maintain it’s rarely possible got anyone to listen to feedback, begin to sort that infotmayion
Ready comments below!!! Don’t understand how this partial draft got posted…
Quoting: “Be comfortable with silence.” Such an important notion associated with exploring curiosity through asking questions!!!
There’s the obvious – as noted in the post: In asking the question, it’s (or should be) much more than corroborating your answer; you are seeking input to improve your understanding!!!
But to me, the best reason to just listen has to do with processing the information!!! I maintain it’s rarely possible got anyone to listen to feedback, begin to sort that information for consideration – WHILE you are actively formulating your next question or comment… Give your attention to the feedback as it’s given; THEN as you begin to process the feedback, your next input to the discussion will be clear – improving your probability of enhancing / expanding the conversation for everyone’s benefit!
The article sounds really interesting, its true that the success requires curiosity. If we want to become a fascinating leader then should feel the curiosity in our soul. Thanks for sharing.