How Managers Lower Stress and Enjoy Work
Stress is a thistle patch.
Stress is a magnifying glass.
Stress is a straw.
Top 4 external stress points for managers:
- People problems.
- Delivering more results with fewer resources and people.
- Conflicting expectations between upper management and direct reports.
- Customer expectations.
From one perspective, all stress is internal.
Top 7 self-inflicted stress points for managers:
- Saying yes when you should say no.
- Trying to control things you can’t control.
- Creating complexity by solving too many issues at once.
- Isolation as a form of self-protection.
- Refusing to turn off and disconnect.
- Lack of exercise and poor diet.
- Losing yourself to the expectations – whether real or imagined – of others.
Trying to overcome stress is problem-centric living.
Less stress – more enjoyment:
I felt the stress go out of a coaching client when he reconnected with his authentic voice.
It happened when, in simple language, he said what he really wanted. He had lost his authentic voice under expectations, frustrations, urgencies, and problems.
A manager’s authentic voice is forward-looking and uncomplicated.
The process of uncovering your authentic voice includes looking under anger, fear, or doubt. The courage and vulnerability to say what you really want – instead of what you don’t want – takes the fangs out of stress.
Decrease stress by embracing forwarding-facing behaviors that move you toward what you really want.
4 stress tips for managers:
- Connect with someone who helps you find your way forward, not theirs. Stress decreases as you move toward authenticity.
- Focus on positive intentions. It’s more stressful to prevent imagined problems than it is to work toward a preferred future.
- Let others take responsibility for their behaviors.
- Stop fixing things for people. Work with them instead.
The opposite of stress is stepping into the extent and limits of your power.
What are the top stressors for managers/leaders?
How might managers lower their stress levels and increase their enjoyment levels?
Thank you for this, Dan.
Stress can be good when it becomes a motivator, and invigorator, for example when faced with a challenge or an opportunity that stretches us. When we succeed in the face of stress, we are better able to handle similar stressors the next time.
Stress is bad when it overwhelms us, even worse when it causes anxiety disorder that paralyzes us and makes us fearful not only of the cause of the stress, but of the effect the anxiety might have on us. Only last week we had a visitor at our home who in a year went from a vivacious, happy, effective, helpful person to one who has both physical and mental pain, mostly due to an anxiety disorder. Her stress has caused her to lose 25 lbs in a year (she was not overweight), and has also caused concern her very loving husband.
Some of the most stressful things are imagined. They may never happen.
Others are when we attempt to do the impossible, attempt to prevent the inevitable, attempt to undo the past beyond what can be done with an “I apologize” and restitution.
We can either accept that we don’t control most of our time and our environment and do the best with what we are given, or wallow in self-pity and discomfort.
Stress can be caused by chronic pain: physical, mental, or spiritual. It can be caused by sleep deprivation, noise, temperature, chemical imbalance, and more.
How to deal with stress? Some things that have worked for me and for others:
1. Accept that we don’t control much. Things that happen to us are not necessarily our fault, nor can they all be remedied through positive thinking or action. Job’s response to his unbelievably trying stressors was much better than that of his wife and well-meaning friends. He hurt, but was not overwhelmed.
2. Give the consequences to God and trust Him. This can be hard if you don’t believe He exists or acts in our favor. If you do, then trust His providence. He who loved us while we were sinners, whose Spirit prays with our spirit when we don’t know what to say, will love us unconditionally and forever.
3. Remove unnecessary stressors. If you eat poorly, don’t sleep enough, don’t excercise, etc., and can change your habits and environment, then do so.
4. Listen to doctors, not every friend (no matter how well-meaning). They are trained to help with medical conditions. If in doubt, get a second opinion from another doctor. Be careful about medication such as SSRIs, but if absolutely required and supported by evidence and second opinions, accept your doctor’s orders. I know two people personally who suffered from anxiety disorder and whose restoration was greatly aided by their medication. Be very careful in this area, as misuse can cause very nasty things to happen.
5. Share with a trusted friend, coach, or mentor who will not gossip.
6. If you are a healthy person, physically and mentally, deliberately seek to challenge yourself in order to grow. Just like sports build endurance and muscles, confronting stressors will make them less stressful and allow you to move on to progressively more difficult things.
7. When you meet a person who is under a great deal of stress, don’t try to minimize their anxiety or try to reason them away from it. What is easy for you may be very hard for them. Listen, empathize, then help. Helping can involve any of the above. Your goal is not to be a crutch for them, but to help them to grow stronger.
8. Helping others can be a powerful way to destress. Prisoners in gulags who helped others were themselves comforted. Helping others turns away concentration from the stress I am feeling to the support I can offer.
Thanks Marc. You added tons of benefit.
Your addition of the upside of stress is useful. Healthy stress stretches without overwhelming. In the right doses, as you indicate it can help us bring out our best.
I find #7 particularly useful for managers/leaders. It’s too easy to judge others through the lens of our strengths.
Dan…I love and embrace the “Connect with someone…” point under tips. It is so powerful just to talk to one who really listens and listen for another who needs to talk. For me I regularly find answers to my dilemmas when I can externally process and talk it out with a trusted peer.
Thanks to Marc for point #2. Not everyone will agree but that’s fine. I appreciate your willingness to step out on that.
This is a really great post and comes at a great time. I too appreciate #7 – our executive director come from good intentions with our management team to minimize our stressors when we are feeling overwhelmed, but it actually makes the team feel unheard and/or validated. Thanks!
Good Morning Dan;
It’s been a while. Good post today. As you know I do in fact work in a ‘High-Stress’ occupational field. (CORRECTIONS).Stress is always present. But the last thing you want to do is magnify it’s affect by adding MORE unnecessary stress.
Stress is a funny thing. At times, the things that should stress us out, have little or no effect. Other times the smallest distractions can cause undeniably crushing stress, rendering it’s victim’s nearly helpless. .Sometimes though there is simply no way to avoid a potentially stressful event,. Here’s a tip I’ve shared with many especially my 3 girls as they were growing up. I told them we ALL deal with stress. Some circumstances are worthy of concern, or, a little stress. However we often stress over things for nothing. My advice is this, #1. if the situation is totally out of your control, LET IT GO, and (don’t) allow stress to overcome you. #2 If you have no intention of doing anything to stop or avoid the stress, again, LET IT GO. #3 If in fact you CAN do something about the situation you may have to deal with a bit of stress until you come to some resolution that addresses it’s cause.
BTW, this is my very last shift at SCI-Smithfield. Tomorrow is my 1st day of RETIREMENT.
I will however remain SGT Steve forever.
We should get together soon.
Respectfully submitted
SGT Steve
Dan,
I am new to the blog and really have enjoyed reading your posts and the comments as well. Leadership is something that I strive every day to be better at and I find myself reading about it constantly. Currently, I am in a position where I work under an administrator that shows no leadership skills and chooses to be mediocre. I never want to overstep my boundaries but sometimes it is difficult because the job needs to get done. How can I be a good leader when my administrator does not want to lead? Do you have any additional readings that you could suggest? I hope it was alright to post this here and thanks for the great conversation.
Doug
Interesting to see this list, Dan. Sure it resonates with a lot of managers. I think your right, the adoption of forward-facing behaviours is the key. The issues whether self-inflicted or otherwise must also be broken down to specify the problems and work towards their resolution. Often the teams that we work with already have most if not all of the solutions that managers require. They key is leveraging that collaborative ‘this means something to us’ engine.