Leadership Derailers: Anger
Anger changes the world. The question is how.
There’s no middle ground with anger. It makes you better or drags you to oblivion.
Anger is energy.
3 dangers of anger:
#1. Anger is like the flu. It’s contagious.
A leader’s behavior is permission.
Angry leaders give permission for others to be abusive.
#2. Anger used poorly is poison. It weakens relationships and lowers trust.
You get angry when you hang around angry people.
#3. Unresolved anger turns into:
Anger is useful when it…
- Spurs useful action.
- Clarifies values.
- Shifts from don’t-want to do-want.
- Progresses through blame to responsibility.
7 strategies that maximize anger.
#1. Emulate skillful leaders who handle anger wisely.
Find an anger mentor. Start asking leaders, “How are you navigating frustration and anger?”
#2. Chill out. Don’t throw gas on a hot fire.
- Take a slow walk.
- Meditate or pray.
- Take a shower.
#3. Practice gratitude.
Gratitude is a magic elixir that transforms attitudes.
#4. Adopt a solution mindset.
Frustration, used well, is a step forward.
Destructive anger wants to validate itself and prove others wrong. It’s impossible to strengthen relationships and improve performance while putting others down.
Evaluate your plans by their impact on others. Ask yourself, “If I do what I plan, will I make things better or worse?
Self-justification weakens leaders. An apology strengthens relationships.
Draw a line in the sand and start fresh.
Treat people with their strengths in mind, not their past offenses.
If for no other reason, forgive for your wellbeing.
#7. Don’t talk about it unless you plan to improve it.
Rehearsing a negative experience is reliving it.
Venting doesn’t lessen anger’s heat. (Bushman)
What’s dangerous about anger?
How might leaders make the most of anger?
Anger Management: 10 Tips to Tame Your Temper (Mayo)
How Negative Impulse Triggers Positive Response (Leadership Freak)
This stands out to me; “#3. Practice gratitude. Gratitude is a magic elixir that transforms attitudes.” So I start out the day being grateful that I am upright and respirating and then its all uphill from that. It took me many years to get to that point but when I did anger or frustration was easier to disperse from my world.
When I’m angry I’m overly emotional and lose your ability to clearly see the situation. Eager to find fault in the other person. I couldn’t be the problem!
I try to practice–assume positive intent and forgiveness (your #6).
I’ve learned I need to drop my anger, before I can have a productive, thoughtful discussion.
But of course–easier said than done!
7. Don’t talk about it unless you plan to improve it – This point really speaks to me. I often find myself re-living situations that have upset me and realise that this is a negative spiral for me. I’m going to actively try and practise this point from now on.
Thank you Dan. Appreiciate your insights and wisdom.
Thank you Dan, So much insights gained:) You really dissected and made it relate-able.
My honest takeout from here is that, i shouldn’t talk about it, except if i want to improve d situation.
powerful and I hope useful.
One thing that has worked for is being grateful