10 Things Leaders Never Say Unless They Want Trouble
What you do is more important than what you say, but stupid words erase right action.
It doesn’t matter how skillful you are if you’re careless with words.
Words are…
Words are troublemakers.
Organizational turmoil traces back to something smart you didn’t say or something stupid you did say. Unclear expectations, conflicting job roles, recurring tension, and strained relationships reflect poor communication.
Words are rudders.
The trajectory of your team and organization traces back to the words that come out of your mouth.
Words are windows.
Unguarded words reveal who you are.
Words are remedies.
The right words provide direction, fuel energy, and build confidence. But nagging complaints are weights.
10 things smart leaders never say:
- “That’s easy,” when people are frustrated.
- “Our boss is an idiot,” when you disagree.
- “Failure is not an option,” unless lives are on the line.
- “I have a surprise for you.”
- “Just do it.” Or, “Shut up and do it.”
- “It doesn’t matter what you think.”
- “My former team never did this.”
- “Get over it.” You might ask, “How can you move forward?”
- “I’ll do it myself,” unless you want to keep doing it yourself.
- “That’s not how I would have done that.”
Tips:
#1. Stupid words begin with closed ears.
Listen to adults as if they were five-year old grandchildren. Lean in. Sit on the edge of your seat. (This may be a little over the top, but you get the point.)
#2. Sometimes the best thing you can say is a question.
Ask two questions before you say one thing.
#3. Imagine words have physical impact.
What would you say if words were hammers?
Harsh words are slaps, kicks, and spit. Challenging words are pushes and pulls. Encouraging words are a hand up.
#4. Fatigue multiplies stupidity.
Stop talking if you’re stressed or exhausted.
What should leaders never say?
How might leaders harness the tongue?
What should leaders never say? Can’t, won’t, and your list above is quite adequate too.
How might leaders harness the tongue? Learning to understand the repercussions of what we say and how say it. How many times have you heard taken out of context? The portrayal of what we say can have multiple side affects, so try to channel the intent of the message .
In highly regulated environments, the phrases
“Just do it.” Or, “Shut up and do it.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think.”
“My former team never did this” (or “That’s the way we’ve always done and that’s how we always will”)
are coupled to “So what if it’s better, the REGULATOR won’t like it” are in daily use…
Hi Dan: Love this message! So much pain and failure (whether work or personal) comes from how we communicate with each other. We’re currently creating a chart of “Instead of This — Say or Do That” because we’ve been surprised by the words, tones, and postures popping up in the workplace that are damaging morale and work relationships, as well as causing an inordinate amount of time to be spent trying to get back on track to do the business of our Mission.
To paraphrase an old saying: “If you were arrested and accused of being a professional, respectful, successful leader in thought, word, and deed today — would there be enough evidence to convict you?”
The book of James provides wonderful, no-minced-words, guidance on this very timely topic as well.
Even more damage is done when the phrases listed above are combined with an eye roll. Eye rolling is incredibly disrespectful. I think this may be even more of an issue in today’s virtual world where our faces are plastered on screens.
Listen and silent have the exact same letters.
How might leaders harness the tongue?
In reframing our statements into open-ended questions, we empower those around us.
Have a great weekend Dan.
Too Convicting for a Friday morning! I feel the stress and exhaustion and it is presenting itself through my words and actions. Thank you for the reminder of how I need to model the behavior I expect from others.
What should leaders never say?
-“Most people are lazy and irresponsible.” Theory X mind-set.
-“You’re a bunch of idiots.”
-“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Lack of a continuous improvement mind-set
-“The status quo is working fine.”
-“We can’t improve. We’re doing everything we can.” Fixed mind-set.
How might leaders harness the tongue?
-Assume positive intent. Most people are working hard to do what they think is needed.
What should leaders never say?
-“I’m/we’re sorry you feel that way.”
-“That wasn’t my/our intention.”
– anything that continues with a “, but” (ie “I’m sorry, but…”; “You did a great job, but…”; etc.)
-using first person plural “we” instead of first person singular “I”
Fatigue multiplies stupidity.
This is golden. Especially so true in the current circumstances where people are working from home. There is perhaps a lesser balance considering you have to attend to the house work, kids online schooling and your own work. Exhaustion and burnout is bound to creep in. I feel as leaders, you rather excuse yourself from attending a meeting if you think you are not in the right frame of mind. The damage caused can be far greater.
“Yes, yes, I understand” – before completely listening to the matter in hand.
The second phrase listed under the 10 things smart leaders never say which is: “’Our boss is an idiot,’ when you disagree” made me think of the movie Saving Private Ryan. During the move there was a time when lower ranks soldiers were complaining to their Captain (Tom Hanks) about upper leadership sending them on a futile mission. I am phrasing and going off my memory, but the lower ranked soldiers asked Tom’s character how he would reacted/complain to his higher ranked officers. Tom commented by saying he would thank them for the opportunity and would obey the orders of completing the mission. The lower ranked soldiers laughed, and all understood why Tom’s character was a great leader. Although it is a movie, it can be applied to real life leadership. Tom’s character had the opportunity to state what he really felt and tear down upper leadership to his soldiers, but he did not.