The 3 Most Important Moments in a One-On-One
Every one-on-one has a beginning, middle, and end. Here’s what to do at each key moment.
At the beginning of a one-on-one:
A poor beginning points to a lousy ending.
The first question, after catching up, determines the direction of a one-on-one.
When employees control the meeting the first questions is, “What would you love to take away from this conversation?” Other forms of this question include…
- What will make this conversation useful to you?
- What would you like to accomplish in our meeting?
- What’s the most important thing we can talk about today?
In the middle of a one-on-one:
Conversations naturally lose focus. We’re squirrels in the middle of the road. First left. Then right. Finally, failure.
Track progress during conversations. Notice when focus shifts. Say, for example, “We planned to discuss your goals. Our conversation has swerved toward dealing with this operational issue. …”
- What’s more important for you?
- Are we on track with this conversation?
- How is this conversation being useful so far?
You track progress by paying attention to direction. Write the purpose of the conversation at the top of the page.
At the end of a one-on-one:
Distill words into actions.
- What’s your takeaway from our conversation?
- What are your next steps?
- What would you like me to ask about in our next conversation?
Tip: Choose different action items when conversations focus on the same issue. Don’t have the same conversation over and over. Complex issues return like boomerangs. Solutions come slowly. More of the same leads to more of the same.
What do you notice about the pattern of conversations?
What makes them useful? A waste of time?
Still curious:
7 Ways to Prepare for One-On-Ones Like a Pro
A Simple Reusable One-On-One Plan
Make the Most of Your One-on-One Meetings (hbr.org)
Dan, I like your structure for the meeting and the questions to ask.
Thanks for the affirmation. It’s one way to look at one-on-ones. Here’s to a great week.
It’s so easy to let focus slip in meetings.
How tightly one grips the reins of a conversation or holds to firm boundaries does seem to have a significant cultural component, however — and I think we need to be more generous with allowing for ‘digression’ in a meeting that involves different backgrounds. Westerners generally tend to have a reputation for task-orientation compared to many Eastern or Global South cultures.