The Genius of Listening to Stories
Stories invite engagement. I’m not talking about telling stories. I’m talking about hearing them.
Your greatest tool of influence is your ears.
When people hear facts, they decide if they agree. But stories create landscapes. Facts invite intellectual responses. Personal narratives inspire vitality.
Facts are about reliability. But when you hear a story, you ask, “What does this mean?”
We’re adrift without facts. We’re barren without stories.
Use how, when, who, and where to invite stories:
People use cliches to express values. You may hear an epic tale when you ask, “How did you come to believe that?”
Invite time travel. Instead of “how” ask “when”? When did this become important to you? Or tell me about a time when your perspective on leadership radically shifted? Begin gently. Where did you grow up? What did you want to be when you grew up?
When someone exhibits passion, ask, “Who shaped the way you feel about this?” Use the word “feel” not “think”.
I asked a person I coach, “When did achievement become important to you?” He told me about riding in a car with his coach. About the feel of the seats and door. He recalled the smell. He remembered his words and the single sentence his coach said.
It was quiet in the car. He broke the silence by saying, “That was embarrassing.” The coach replied, “Yes it was.” Those three words ignited a fire that propelled him to excellence.
The foundation of change is self-reflection. Stories invite self-reflection. Tell me about a person who shaped the way you think about yourself. Or tell me about the person who was influential in shaping your values.
You become a person of influence when you invite people to tell their story.
How can leaders invite people to tell their story?
Still curious:
How to Use Story to Fuel Vitality
This post is inspired by chapter 15 of, “How to Know a Person,” by David Brooks.
How can leaders invite people to tell their story?
Ask–What’s been your experience with__________________?
Good one, Paul. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
Instead of a question, say “Tell me about . . .” or even just “Tell me more.”
Simple and elegant. Thanks, Jennifer.