Discovering Soul in an Ego-Soaked World
Ego is your sense of self. Exaggerated ego believes self-love is the goal. Leading with soul is otherish. Healthy self-love teaches us how to love others.
Ego detox energizes soul. Choose vitality.
- Stop telling lies to protect status.
- Worry less about fairness.
- View conversations as collaborations, not competitions.
- Explore before criticizing.
- Invite input when making decisions.
- Affirm others. Fix yourself.
- Don’t beat yourself down for responsible failure.
Soul Sabotage:
You sabotage soul when you amplify ego.
Ego distorts perception. Stupid looks smart when arrogance rules. Weak seems strong. Temporary looks final. Insignificant appears impactful.
Ego elevates generalities into absolutes. For example, you’re right sometimes, not always. People need help sometimes and sometimes you need help.
Energize your soul:
#1. Dance with uncertainty
Don’t make yourself look stupid by pretending to know when you don’t. Acknowledge you don’t have all the answers.
Action item #1: Ask who has experience in this area.
Action item #2: Say, “What do you think,” before offering solutions.
#2. Play with curiosity
Shift focus from answers to questions. Curiosity elevates exploration and welcomes another’s perspective.
Action item #3: Ask questions before making statements.
#3. Practice vulnerability
Defensiveness defeats soul. Vulnerability produces vibrancy. The weight of protecting your image drains life until you have little to protect.
Action item #4: Tell stories about what you learned from failure.
7 detox questions:
- What am I missing?
- Who is impacted by this decision? How?
- Who tells me the truth?
- How can I help others find their own solutions?
- Who waits on the fringes for an opportunity to contribute?
- How can I seek feedback from truth-tellers?
- What am I learning from others? About others?
How might leaders bring soul into organizations?
Explore more:
6 Reasons Egotistical Leaders are Exhausted
10 Signs Ego Hinders Your Success
Read our book, The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership, to rediscover vitality.
I love these detox questions!! This encourages discussion, honesty, suggestions, and ideas. This is how healthy families and organizations should operate.
I’m so glad you find the questions useful. Curiosity is often under-used in leadership because we put high value on knowing. Baseline expertise is essential. But in a turbulent world, curiosity takes you further than knowing.
A good conversation can change life.
This is gold:
“Explore before criticizing.” Or as the Proverb says: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13 ESV). When I see something, I don’t see everything. There is more than meets the eye, so to avoid looking foolish I need to ask questions.
“Invite input when making decisions.” Again, when I see something, I more likely don’t see everything. I need another perspective. I try to ask, “What am I missing?” I find it hard to coach someone who doesn’t ask for, nor welcome, input.
I hadn’t thought about the Proverb you mention. I’m in love with Wisdom Literature.
Gold = “When I see something, I more likely don’t see everything.”
Does this make sense?
Both our ego and soul are part of who we are. Our ego is our self-identify. It includes the most frequent “I am” statements that you make about yourself. Your roles, “I am a teacher.” Your traits, “I am curious.” Your beliefs, “I believe in continuous improvement.”
Our soul is a deeper spiritual part of who we are. It provides us with new insights and larger sense of purpose and meaning. Overtime it can be a source of wisdom. To connect with our soul, we must close our eyes and listen.
Our ego and soul need to be in balance. When our ego is king, we often make self-serving comments and bad decisions.
I didn’t specifically define soul because the definitions feel ambiguous. For this post ego = sense of self. Soul = personality, mind, emotions.
Soulish connects to authentic in my mind. I tend not to think of authentic ego. Perhaps it’s wordplay. One of the things I wanted to do was introduce “soul” into the conversation.
Thanks for your input.
The title of this blog post is fantastic. It’s gripping. I may have heard more than you intended though. The current culture drips with the sliminess of all the deadly sins. Thanks to a great childhood and a strong foundation, none of it appeals to me. How do we begin moving the dial to detox the culture from this dangerous shallowness that sucks the life blood from life’s journey?
Thanks for your reflections. Egoless is a myth. But too much ego is arrogance. Too much focus on self. Our culture drips with self-focus.
Detoxing culture might mean…
Exercising positive influence within your personal circle. That would be modeling virtue. Rewarding behaviors that reflect humility. Confronting self-serving behaviors. Making the conversation about soul, heart, and/or humility public, in meetings for example. Complimenting people who display desirable attitudes and action. (Just a few thoughts)
On a personal level, monitor your energy. Notice fear-based actions and attitudes. And adopting some of the ideas and practices in this post.
What do you think?
Thank you.
We are individuals together making up a collective culture, but the collective culture doesn’t define the individual. As much as I’d like to see a cultural shift away from the shallow to something more wholesome, I can only do my best to maintain my own values. Some days are more difficult than others but, in the end, I know I can’t control others. I can only control myself. Ironically, out of nothing close to self-focus, the only thing I can reasonably do is to constantly work toward self-improvement to become the best version of me and, if the opportunity presents itself, offer my thoughts to others who might seek another’s perspective.
Thank you, Dan. Love your blog and your insights.
@DJ Not to be too soppy, but the answer is Kindness and Love.
Kindness and love are soul. They are transitive verbs that require a recipient. They are the opposite of ego which is only self focused.
They are all over the Bible if that is part of your childhood foundation. Love others as God loved you. Pretty powerful that God loved us in spite of “all have sinned.” Can we love those who are dripping the sliminess of deadly sins? And what would happen in the world if all tried? This post is a beginning.
Wow! “Kindness and love are soul. They are transitive verbs that require a recipient.”
Thank you, Elizabeth! Love and kindness is my mantra. The Golden Rule covers everything! : )
Doesn’t it?