How to Translate Hot Emotions into Positive Action
Hot emotions lie. They scream danger when you’re safe and kiss you with happiness during self-destructive choices. Confusion erupts when life is ruled by feelings. Conflict intensifies when passions govern your mouth.
Unreliable Liars:
Feelings make overstatements. For example, everybody hates me, I’m a failure, and life sucks when something doesn’t go my way. All lies.
Emotions distort time. You feel sad when you recall painful experiences that happened years ago. Anxiety builds over future imaginings.
Passions blur reality. You grip the arm rests and scream when you look at a picture on the movie screen.
How to Translate Hot Emotions:
Anger says, “Stop it!” When you ask an angry person what they want they tell you what they don’t want and don’t like. Make a list of things you want for yourself and others after you calm down.
Worry says you care about the future. Determine what you will do if the worst happens. The best use of worry is preparation; the worst is ruminating.
Stress says you care about results. Alertness and energy are the benefits of reasonable amounts of stress. Take a few breaths before you say or do anything when you’re stressed.
Happiness is dangerous because it says, “Do that again.” Bad habits and destructive behaviors begin with happiness and pleasure. Pursue meaningful contribution if you want to be happy.
Emotions inform. Temper responses with reflection and reason.
Tip: Adopt a long-term perspective when dealing with hot emotion. Will it matter next week, next month, or next year?
Govern your emotions. Gain insight. Listen to feelings, but don’t let them lead.
Which hot emotions seem most dangerous? Advantageous?
What are some ways to translate other hot emotions? For example, sadness, anticipation, or gratitude?
Still curious:
This post has a longer list of emotions to reflect on: Mastering Emotional Agility: Transform Destructive Emotions into Leadership Advantage
Leadership Influence: Controlling Emotional Contagion
The Vagrant, is the story of a leader who lacked emotional agility. Gain benefit by reading the story and completing the transformative exercises at the end.
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Wow, this really resonated with me! Thanks for the perspective.
Thank you, Tamara. It’s one way of looking at this topic. Glad to be useful.
Frustration – which is a pre-cursor to anger says “Something is not working”
It can lead to anger and cause damage to relationships if you let it linger. But if you take frustration and evaluate “What” is frustrating you – you can determine a solution and grow from it.
I struggle with this sometimes – it’s easy to get angry, but it’s damaging. If you can, use the frustration to problem solve and build – rather than to tear down.
Thanks, as always, Dan!
Thanks, SB. I find myself living with frustration but not reflecting on it. You make an important point. Don’t simply live with painful emotions, use them. Your inclusion of “grow from it,” speaks to me. Our emotions are about us. As we grow our emotions change. Something that angered us last year, causes us to lean in today, if we grow.
Two people can experience the same situation and have opposing emotional responses. One might be calm and another frantic. Self-perception, competence, and experience are important factors. Painful emotions are growth opportunities. Cheers!
Will be using this later today as I meet with a parishioner. He runs hot then cold. The world is ending and then it’s not. Discipleship includes putting off destructive habits and harmful emotions and replacing them with edifying practices of godliness and faith.
Thanks, Dan!
It’s a pleasure to be useful, Pete. Thanks for letting me know. Here’s a thought. A leader taught me to describe emotions as positive or painful. Painful emotions are useful when we learn and grow. It does little good to try not to feel something. We have some control over the emotions that emerge. We have complete control over our response to them.
The reason I mention it is I think sometimes we try to prevent anger, for example. It’s more useful to reflect on it and use it. Even the New Testament says, “Be angry and do not sin ….”
We can beat ourselves down because we feel something, but that’s not helpful. It’s hard to move up when we’re beating ourselves down. However, if we accept what we feel and choose wise actions and/or wise words we grow. (Accepting isn’t agreeing or condoning.)
Perhaps there are some emotions that are condemned in the sacred text. I’m not qualified to go there. Just something to think about. I wish you success.
Serendipitous post for me, Dan! I was working to articulate the insights and counsel you shared here this very morning. Your concise, pointed words were a great help. Thank you!
Timing is important, R.C. Thanks for the encouragement. Best to you.