How to Avoid the Jerk Boss Trap
Power blinds. Some become the jerk boss they never intended. The pressures of leading push people toward destructive behaviors.
“Bosses don’t become jerks overnight because they were awarded a fancy title.” Sabina Nawaz in You’re the Boss.
Map team norms to avoid being a jerk boss:
Your preferences aren’t always everyone’s first choice. Avoid unnecessary friction by exploring hidden dynamics and creating shared norms.
How do you prefer to communicate? Email, phone, text. Are cameras expected to be on during Zoom? When is Slack appropriate?
How will decisions be made? Leaders decide. The team decides. Or a blended approach.
Are you available 24/7? What do you expect from others? How quickly do you respond to emails? How quickly do you expect others to respond?
What is your meeting style? How long do you meet? Do you start on time? What kinds of participation are expected?
How do you deal with conflict? Quickly and face-to-face. Step back and expect others to work it out. Are you an avoider? What about each team member?
How to map team norms:
#1. Give a reason:
Unspoken rules lead to misunderstandings. We will make them explicit and build shared agreements that help us work together joyfully.
#2. Assign a project:
Ask team members to write down their preferred communication style, for example. (Choose one team norm to map.)
#3. Explore results:
Invite team members to share their preferred communication style. Ask clarifying questions.
- Where do we agree?
- Where do we differ?
- How can we balance different needs?
#4. Set norms:
Determine how the team will communicate with each other. Encourage people to adapt to each other.
Designate a keeper of the norms. Evaluate norms every 3 to 6 months.
How can jerk boss behaviors be avoided?
Thanks to Sabina Nawaz and Simon & Shuster for sending me a copy of You’re the Boss. I found the book insightful and practical. This post is inspired by Sabina’s book. It’s available today.
I love this! I would also recommend doing an exercise where you list behaviors that a former “jerk boss” had that you do NOT want to repeat. I would set aside time to self-reflect, maybe at the same intervals as above. Say, if I am not incorporating the group norms, am I falling into the negative behaviors once demonstrated by a previous boss?
Sometimes we need to hold the mirror up to ourselves and really look at ourselves.
I appreciate that thought, SB. I have also found it helpful to reflect on behavior I don’t want to repeat. I’ve grown the most by identifying mentors who model the behaviors I want to emulate and working on those items.
establishing communication norms are so important. I hate it when people send attachments on whatsapp, but then use email like it’s IM. I know someone that sends the exact same message on four different platforms.
establishing norms and how each platform is used is key to effective communication. thanks for these tips on how to approach this with your team, Dan!
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