Self-Trust: Reconsidering Self-Confidence
No one will trust you until you trust yourself.
Self-trust is better than self-confidence. Ungrounded self-confidence is baseless arrogance.
Read: 5 Lies About Self-Confidence
Self-trust is based on self-knowledge. You need to know seven things about yourself to trust yourself.
The 7 Cornerstones of Self-Trust:
- What you stand for:
Know the core behaviors that express your values. Self-trust is an illusion apart from values because you don’t know who you’re trusting in. Reliability makes you trustworthy. - What matters to you:
What mission drives you? Is it bigger than the organization where you work? Does it include serving the interests of others? Noble mission makes you trustworthy. Caring for others makes you trustworthy. - How you lead:
A clear leadership philosophy prevents second-guessing and inconsistency. What’s your definition of servant leadership? Consistency makes you trustworthy. - How you make decisions:
Knowing whether you rely on principles, data, or intuition strengthens confidence in how you decide. Predictability makes you trustworthy. - How you handle setbacks:
Self-trust grows when you learn, adapt, and move forward after failure. Grit makes you trustworthy. - How you manage emotions:
Understanding your triggers makes you predictable. Stability makes you trustworthy. - What you’ve proven to yourself:
Self-trust requires confidence based on personal history. How do you respond when someone praises you, criticizes you, or suggests alternatives? What obstacles have you climbed over? Can you thrive regardless of your environment? Grounded self-confidence makes you trustworthy.
The first person to trust is you.
People trust you when you trust yourself.
Which of the seven cornerstones is at the heart of self-trust?
How do people learn to trust themselves?
The Courage to Not Know – Brene Brown
Thanks Dan! This is really insightful.
I just learned that I trust myself more than I give myself credit for.
These are great questions to ask yourself and have the answers handy to connect with on a regular basis!
As always – this was a very timely post!
Thanks, SB. I’m delighted you found this useful and congratulations!
At the core of self-trust is self-awareness and courage.
–Self-awareness–knowing what to do.
–Courage–knowing you will do what is necessary.
Well said, Paul! Self-awareness provides the map, and courage gives you the ability to act. Many people know what to do but hesitate when action is required.
When I was coaching quarterbacks for our high school football team, I wanted them to know the difference in being cocky and being confident. A core value was trust. Trust in your teammates and trust in yourself. I would tell them if they didn’t trust in themselves, how did they expect the team to trust in them. Same way with leaders in any organization. Show your team you trust them and are confident in them the same way you are confident and trust in yourself. Winning will follow!
Wonderful illustration. Thanks for adding your experience, Tim.
Just checking. SEVEN cornerstones, but they are numbered 1-6. Did I miss one?
Hey Tony. Thanks for pointing that out. I accidentally deleted the original #5. I have added it. Thank you.
Thanks. My OCD is all better now 🙂
Excellent! Learned something about myself that I wasn’t aware of. Very helpful
Thanks for letting me know, DAG. I wish you success.
Oh, wow.
When we tell people you need to be “confident” in order to be successful, we are instructing people to be arrogant (baseless self-aggrandizement) or encouraging them to lie to themselves and others. It’s contains an element of blame (you weren’t successful? Must be a failure of confidence!) with no direction on how to improve. What are you supposed to do — go buy some more confidence?
Self-trust, based on self-knowledge, humility, truth, creates a foundation of solid principles that can support a career (or life) from beginning to end. And it naturally leads to being confident — within your sphere of understanding.