Stop Caring—Do This
Don’t care, admire. Admiration feels like love.
Caring is ambiguous. Admiration is specific and bold. Caring is generic. Admiration feels like respect. Leaders energize people when they admire them.
Caring is vague. Admiration sees how people express who they are.
From Caring to Admiration: 10 Specific Benefits
#1 Lift spirits.
Call out what others miss—”That moment showed grit.”
#2 Affirm worth.
Say, “What you did mattered,” when someone goes the extra mile.
#3 Inspire growth.
Notice progress—“I see you developing your ability to lead dynamic conversations.”
#4 Build connection.
Share how someone impacted you.
#5 Ignite positive energy.
Start meetings by spotlighting a recent contribution.
Praise might embarrass some or spark jealousy—do it anyway. The team needs to know their contributions matter. It helps their careers.
With introverts, be brief. Make eye contact with the whole room. Don’t gawk at them.
#6 Reduce defensiveness.
Admiration shows you’re on their team. Feedback is easier to receive when people know you’re pulling for them.
#7 Reinforce identity.
Honor the person. When someone acts in line with their natural tendencies, say, “That’s so you.”
#8 Motivate excellence.
Admire effort, not perfection—“You didn’t quit, and that’s what counts.”
#9 Increase influence.
Ask for input. People trust leaders who value their perspective.
#10 Model generosity.
Praise people behind their backs. Spread the admiration.
Final Insight
Admire someone, and you see strength. Speak to potential. You transform relationships and raise performance.
The next time someone sits across from you say, “One thing I admire about you is…”
Which of these 10 ideas can you implement today?
I appreciate the point you are making, however, the introduction sets up a false dichotomy between caring and admiration. I have studied the idea of caring leadership, and most of the 10 points you share are examples of demonstrating caring leadership. If caring leadership is vague, then it probably is not being intentional. I think the key here is to think through intentional ways to demonstrate care, of which admiration is one of them. This is just something to consider. I enjoy your posts and appreciate the insights you share. Thank you for being an encourager of leaders.
Thanks for your input, Rich. I think admiration gives legs to a word like care. “Care” feels like a good word but needs specific expression.
The dichotomy is hyperbole. “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” “It took forever to get here.” Perhaps I went too far. I’ve been known to do that on occasion. Thanks again.
At my job, it was a highly competitive environment. It would have been great if someone cared when my dad died (instead, they stole things from my desk while I was away). Or when someone committed suicide (acted as if everything was normal). I think there’s definitely room for caring AND admiration!!
In environments already starved of empathy, collaboration, or psychological safety, suggesting “less caring” (even in jest or nuance) can reinforce the very culture you’re trying to shift. It risks sounding detached, when what people often need is genuine connection, recognition, and care.
So—I asked chatGPT how to capture the intent of that original phrase, but with language that adds care rather than subtracts it? Here is it’s reply:
If the heart of the message is “people don’t just need help—they need to be seen, valued, and appreciated,” then here are some more aligned reframes:
Phrases that Keep the Care and Add Admiration:
“Care by appreciating.”
→ Simple and direct. Reframes admiration as a form of care.
“Don’t just care—celebrate.”
→ Adds warmth and joy, not detachment.
“Real care includes admiration.”
→ Makes the point clearly and affirms both.
“Sometimes the best care is being seen and celebrated.”
→ A full idea, compassionate and human.
“Care deeply. Admire openly.”
→ Balanced, active, and encouraging.
“Don’t just fix—affirm.”
→ Addresses workplace culture where ‘help’ often overshadows simple recognition.
“Lead with care. Follow with appreciation.”
→ A gentle mantra for managers and coworkers.
In short: admiration shouldn’t replace care—it should become part of a richer, more complete version of it.
Thanks C. It’s so sad that people work in destructive environments. When we say, “It would be nice if someone cared,” we are looking for visible expressions.
When people act like everything is normal after a loss, sometimes it’s their way of trying to help. I know it’s not the best. And in the environment you describe it probably signals lack of concern. I think your comment proves the point. Care needs an expression.
I hope you have a better place to work now.
BTW – ChatGPT doesn’t care.
Caring involves a concern for someone’s well-being, encompassing both positive and negative situations. You may care about a friend’s health, a coworker’s success, or your neighbor’s struggles. When you care, you do what you can to help and assist others.
Admiration, on the other hand, emphasizes highlighting a positive trait or behavior a person possesses. “I really admire how present and patient you are with each of your children.”
You can care about someone without admiring them, and I suppose you can admire someone without necessarily caring about them.
Both are important. I am going to tell two people today what I admire about them and see how they react.
Thanks for articulating “You can care about someone without admiring them, and I suppose you can admire someone without necessarily caring about them.” I found that helpful.
Here’s an added thought. After showing admiration ask, “How did you get so good at that?” OR “Who modeled that behavior for you when you were growing up?”
Good follow up questions. Thanks