A List to Comfort Control Freaks
Control is not an illusion.
Choose power over passivity. Don’t surrender because some things are beyond you. You are more than a spectator. Participate.
Things You Control
1. Mindset & Inner World
- Attitudes
- Beliefs
- Self-talk
- Interpreting events
- Focus
- Optimism or pessimism
- Openness to learning
- Values
- Nurturing hope
- Choosing gratitude
- Managing envy
- Expressing curiosity
- Whether you stay curious
- Reflecting on your actions
- Excuses
- Trying to control
2. Communication & Relationships
- Words that come out of your mouth
- Tone, volume, and timing
- Listening
- Responding to criticism
- Speaking with kindness or judgment
- How you treat others
- Showing empathy and compassion
- Standing up for what’s right
- Giving others the benefit of the doubt
- Apologizing
- Pursuing reconciliation – Forgiveness
- How you talk about others when they’re not around
- Responding to others’ needs
- Responding to opportunities
3. Personal Discipline & Character
- Habits
- Follow-through
- Work ethics
- Seeking help
- Taking responsibility
- Saying “yes” or “no”
- Seeking feedback
- Challenging yourself
- Acting with honesty
- Keeping your word
- Setting boundaries
- How you prepare
- How you respond to failure
- Forgiveness
- Pausing
4. Health & Lifestyle Choices
- Diet
- Bedtime
- Exercise
- Rest
- Spending discretionary money
- How you handle disappointment
- Pursuing enjoyment
- Expressing creativity
- Managing your digital presence
- Managing expectations
5. Time & Energy Management
- Free time
- Who you spend time with when you’re not working
- Protecting time for what matters
- Personal goals
- Commitments
- Maintaining your personal space
6. Contribution & Growth
- How you use your talents
- How you pursue personal growth
- Adapting to change
- Contributing to your community
- Whether you’re a giver or a taker
- Celebrating successes
You shape your future.
What are you going to control today?
What did I miss?
Let go – 4 Remedies for Exhausted Control Freaks
Great list–these additions came to mind.
The questions you ask.
Making or not making eye contact
Your animation and gestures
Thanks for the added suggestions.
I was pleased to see you used the Arabic Falaj(water channel) in the Oasis Picture.
Good long list of things we can control, influence & benefit from. Thanks Dan.
Come to think of it a whole lot of things in our control!!
Thanks Nagarajan. I choose images with a simple strategy. I go to a site where images are free to use and pick one that speaks to me. I looked up Falaj. Thanks for letting me know. Best to you.
For all of these, I would start with the important phrase “Your OWN . . .” Because there are plenty of folks out there that think they can control the mindset, choices, etc. of everyone else. You can’t. In fact, some of us can barely control our own things.
🙂 Love it Jennifer. Powerful reminder. Perhaps one reason people say control is an illusion is they are looking at others, not themselves.
100% why I often say control is an illusion—usually in a playful, joking manner. Controlling OTHERS is an illusion. Often in serious conversations, I advise others that we cannot control others’ actions, all we can control is how we react to others.
Bingo: Controlling others is an illusion. Our desire to control others makes control a frustrating topic. Somehow it feels easier to be frustrated with things I can’t control than to focus on the things I can control. 🙂
Truly great list and summary! Indeed, control is not an illusion. Wishing you and your readers the best!
Thanks Sergio. What do we mean by self-control, if we don’t have control over some things?
Well, this is a never ending topic. Kind of a bar or tavern theme. It even has a dark side (see, for instance, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201806/the-dark-side-of-self-control). Thank you for your reply!
seems like there’s always more to something than you imagine. cheers and thanks for the article.
“Somehow it feels easier to be frustrated with things I can’t control than to focus on the things I can control.”
So much truth in one simple sentence. Thank you for the list and additional contributions.
And thank you for the encouragement.