Don’t Let Misery Make You Miserable
If work is miserable, you might as well enjoy it. Don’t double misery by adding sour feelings to painful situations.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“If the cucumber is bitter, throw it away. If there are brambles in the path, turn aside… Do not say, ‘Why were such things made in the world?’”
Great Advantage
The advantage of challenge outweighs the enjoyment of ease.
Hardship shapes you more than enjoyment. Those who suffer well open their heart to the world. The rest risk shriveling into bitterness. Isolation feels safe for a moment. But hard-hearted leaders lose connection, empathy, and eventually influence.
Pleasure builds a house of foolishness and arrogance. Adversity breeds creativity, resilience, and flexibility when you stay open.
Henry Nouwen said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
Don’t let misery make you miserable. The longer you live in survival mode, the more you treat people like problems.
When Work is Miserable:
#1. Yield
Surrender isn’t giving up. It’s yielding to what you can’t change. Pushing against the unchangeable leads to anger, blame, fatigue—and eventually despair.
Surrender doesn’t make hard things easy. It strengthens you to do hard things.
#2. Open Your Heart
Open up when you feel like shutting down. Good companions ease misery.
It’s most important to listen when you least want to.
#3. Practice Self-Reflection
Pain without reflection hardens you. Pain with structured self-reflection makes you wise. Think beyond miserable situations. Contemplate your contribution to your circumstances. Ask: What’s this darkness trying to teach me?
But beware! Self-reflection done in isolation births self-deception. Share your thoughts with trusted friends, a coach, or mentor. (For more on the essential skill of self-reflection, read The Vagrant)
Leadership means carrying weight—but don’t carry it alone.
Be strong. Don’t grow brittle.
What’s your advice for making the most of misery?
Remember the phrase – Just FIDO it… the polite version is to “forgive it and drive on!”
Where have I been! I’ve never heard of the Just FIDO principle. Thanks, Bill.
Love this message. It is about observing yourself in this state of misery and then moving away from dramatizing your own feeling of “victimhood.” Taking steps, even miniscule to begin with towards learning and leading yourself and others into the light.
Thanks Pauline. I appreciate you bringing “drama” and “victimhood” to this topic. So applicable.
Thanks Dan. I have often thought that you are leaning on spiritual learnings in your daily post. And now a Henry Nouwen quote turns up! Could you please let me know what engagement you do have with spiritual writers rather than writers who are more solely leadership focused. Richard Rohr has written a lot on woundedness. Have you looked into Richard Rohr as someone who can provide leadership guidance through a spiritual lens? Thanks, as always, for the work you do.
Thanks, Dan
“Leadership means carrying the weight- but don’t carry it alone.” That reminds me of the Navy Seal (I’m not one, just an admirer) log exercises where teams learn to do more together than they can as individual pieces.
(also a big Henri Nouwen fan)