How to Deal with Backstabbers
Success irritates backstabbers, especially when it’s yours.
Don’t twist yourself into knots when someone sticks a knife in your back.
Backstabbers are loyal to their own needs. They promise life but bring death.
How to Deal with Backstabbers
- Don’t retaliate. Cutting people down isn’t your game and shouldn’t be. Rise above it.
- Stay present. Stay engaged. Avoid one-on-one time with the offender when possible.
- Keep your boss informed about your work. Send short updates. “Just thought you’d like to know…”
- Praise people publicly. Give credit freely, especially on shared wins.
- Face perception head-on. When team members question your abilities, explore the feedback. Don’t write it off as malicious. Get examples. Clarify expectations.
- Don’t force loyalty. Avoid asking people to choose sides.
- Extend kindness and courtesy to everyone in the office, especially your backstabber. Good manners are about you, not others.
- Seek outside support. Friends, mentors, or a coach help keep you grounded.
- Strengthen alliances. Build trust with as many coworkers as possible.
- Polish your resume. Be ready to seize a new opportunity.
Act in ways that are best for you and your organization. You can’t control backstabbers; you can control your response.
The best revenge is thriving in plain sight.
What suggestions do you have for someone being stabbed in the back?
12 Manipulations of Rebels, Fools, and Backstabbers
Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers
“Extend kindness and courtesy to everyone in the office, especially your backstabber. Good manners are about you, not others.” Love this. I have not always done this – sometimes I reacted in defensiveness. But things always turned out better in the end when I trusted the law of human nature – that when people violate that, they will pay a price.
I don’t like the idea that kindness and courtesy are about me. When I write something like that, I think of people like you Travis. I knew it would be useful to someone, even if I ignored myself. Cheers
Wish I’d had this list when I went through a divorce a few years ago. I received plenty of backstabbing, negative gossip, etc. First inclination was to find out who all she had talked to and defend myself to them. I quickly learned that was fruitless, and the best approach was as you have described here: Continue being kind, courteous, and thriving in plain sight. The people who matter saw that I had not changed. Those who believed the scuttlebutt didn’t matter and frankly couldn’t be convinced anyway. This same principle applies in the workplace when it comes to backstabbing. Take the high road, be nice to everyone, and it will work out better in the end. And you get to maintain your good reputation!
The article and your thoughts Gary are very on point. I ran into this in my prior work engagement and due to self-promotion I was targeted. After only two discussions with people I realized that ‘defending’ myself wasn’t going to work. Most people had already made up their mind from months of backstabbing that I was not privy to – I had no choice but to accept my fate of the situation and was glad I always keep #10 up and ready to go.
Might be worth it to have a follow-up article about accepting ones fate in this situations. I spent a lot of time feeling betrayed, lied to, weak. Lots of self-doubt and conflict around my self-awareness and that people were just talking to me ‘because I was the boss’ – I realize now you can only control what you have power to change and you keep living your life the best you can, with love and respect for others regardless of what they dished to you.
Thanks for jumping in, J. Defending is a natural response to attack. As you indicate, it usually doesn’t help. Your comment got me thinking about the difference between defending and declaring. On one hand, people need to know what we are doing or not doing. But defensiveness seems to make matters worse. It surprising how obvious it is to others.
It’s hard not to obsess about the things people “might” be saying about us. Who doesn’t want to be liked? It’s freeing to enjoy being liked without needing it. Divorce is one of the hardest. Old relationships change. Some friends choose sides. You have couple-friends and individual friends. The couple-friends usually have to choose. It sounds like you turned the page. It takes a while. I wish you success.
What if the backstabber is your boss?