Confront the Lies of Comfort

Problems persist when we prefer comforting stories over painful realities.

Leaders tell soothing stories that prolong problems.

• “I care more than others,” excuses micromanagement.
• “I’m a good leader, the problem is the people,” allows rejecting feedback.
• “I’m doing my best,” shields against growth. Excellence starts where your best ends.
• “I have high standards,” hides a critical spirit.

Soothing strategies turn toxic when they replace solution-finding. The best thing you can do with thorny issues is dig them out before they fester.

Healthy reassurance stabilizes emotions and fosters trust. It gives people space to breathe before they act. Soothing strategies become traps when they stall growth.

Comfort prolongs pain when it protects egos and prevents action.

7 Ways to Resist the Seduction of Comfort

1. Bring up issues others avoid. Discomfort with discomfort multiplies pain. Transformational conversations begin when you stop ignoring things. Don’t minimize negative patterns by encouraging helplessness.
2. Focus on pain-points but maintain a positive attitude.
3. Reject “you-did-your-best,” excuses. Identify what you will do differently next time.
4. Don’t rush to comfort. Before you soothe someone’s distress ask, “What would you like to do about that?” Ask, “What’s painful about that?”
5. Don’t minimize by saying, “It’s not that bad.”
6. Begin with what you don’t want; move quickly to what you do want. There’s more to leadership than making something go away.
7. Extend support. Don’t validate inaction. Show compassion while poking at problems. There’s no excuse for being mean.

Stop telling soothing lies. Pain, used well, motivates.

Avoidance is not an option.

How might leaders deal with thorny issues in leaderly ways?

What are the positive and negative aspects of support?

Dig Deeper:

5 Dangers of Harmful Help

Check out the book: The Comfort Crisis