Make Invisible Impact Obvious
Leaders don’t know they intimidate, frustrate, and de-energize people. Invisible impact holds leaders back.
You care on the inside. On the outside you’re scary.
You don’t remember the pressure of pleasing the boss. You don’t realize casual comments feel like commands. Or that silence feels like disapproval.
How do people feel when you walk away?
3 Diagnostic Questions
I recently sent three questions to leaders I know.
- How do people feel about themselves after spending time with you?
- How do people feel about the future after spending time with you?
- How do people feel about you after spending time with you?
The problem? People lie to leaders. Asking how they feel doesn’t work.
Make Invisible Impact Obvious
Mind your wake. Don’t ask about feelings. Explore behaviors.
Don’t ask, “Do you feel energized?” Most people won’t say, “You suck the life out of me.”
- Don’t ask, “Do you feel supported?” Ask, “What am I doing that shows I support you?”
- Don’t ask, “Do you feel appreciated?” Ask, “What am I doing that lets you know I respect your contribution?”
- Don’t ask, “Do you feel safe to speak your mind?” Ask, “What am I doing that indicates I’m listening?”
- Don’t ask, “Do you feel challenged?” Ask, “What am I doing that inspires you to take on this challenge?”
- Don’t ask, “Do you feel confident?” Ask, “What am I doing that frees you to move forward boldly?”
Power Follow-Up
How could I be better at…?
What could I do to improve at…?
Next time, what could I do to…?
It takes courage and humility to make invisible impact obvious.
Which of these questions feels most powerful to you?
What can you add to the “invisible impact” list?
5 Ways Leaders Sabotage Their Influence With Others
How to Increase Your Influence at Work (hbr.org)
And don’t expect honest answers if you only ask these questions once a year at annual reviews
So true. An annual review on its own is practically useless.
Dan–great point. Focus on the behavior. “What am I doing that… ”
Or “What could I be doing that….”
Thanks, Paul.
This is gold. I often ask my wife, do you feel cherished? Now I want to ask, what am I doing that makes you feel cherished? What’s one thing I could do better? And I’ll use this approach with persons in my church.
Thanks, Dan! Happy Tuesday to you!
Wonderful application, Pete. The question, “What am I doing/not doing,” calls for courage, openness, and a passion to become our best selves.
I know I could use this “strategy” with my grown sons as I sense our communication process is not optimal – and I am guessing I am the culprit because I need to frame questions/concerns differently as you suggest. This is a great idea to ask straight out “…what am I doing/not doing…” and better be listening intently.