The Five Feelings of Love at Work
Infatuation seeks pleasure. Love seeks to serve.
Infatuation is a reaction. Love is intentional action.
Leaders love by pursuing the best interest of others.
The Five Feelings of Love (In Order)
Based on Design Love In by Marcus Buckingham
#1. Control
“To treat people lovingly, I must start by helping you feel control. Not control over others.… Control over your actions and choices.”
Clarity gives people control.
Action Items
- Define your customer in one sentence.
- Identify three metrics that matter. Stop tracking the rest.
- Ask, “What do you think?” Go with it.
#2. Harmony
“Do you know what I’m feeling, and do you care?”
Reduce emotional confusion.
Action Items
- Audit your entrance. How are you showing up?
- Create a predictable ritual (e.g., “Monday Morning Win”).
- Name the mood when things are stressful.
#3. Significance
“Do you know my story, and do you care?”
Treat people as individuals.
Action Items
- Ask, “What was the best part of your week?”
- Once a quarter, ask, “What would you like to do less of? How can you lean into life-giving activities?”
#4. Warmth
“Who’s with me, and how can they help?”
Don’t let people navigate organizational life alone.
Action Items
- Connect people to people. Pair teammates to complement their strengths.
- Guide people through unwritten organizational rules.
- Strengthen your connection with one person every day. Don’t ask for favors.
#5. Growth
“How will I be more capable tomorrow?”
Serve the best interest of others by investing in their future.
Action Items
- Fuel momentum by limiting goals to a 30-day window.
- Ask, “What’s energizing you this week? How might you do more of that?”
What can leaders do to design love into their leadership?
12 Ways Servant Leaders Serve Others so Others are Free to Serve Others
This post is adapted from: Design Love In by Marcus Buckingham.
Help people grow. Challenge them. Coach them. Affirm them. Involve them. Teach them. Empower them.
Direct and wise as usual.
I had the opportunity to be part of the book launch webinar and learned the important WHY of the 5 feelings of love. Why do this? Buckingham points out that “love predicts extreme positive outcomes.” I love this product. I love this team. I loved that experience. We know what people who rate something a 5 out of 5 will do. If you want those predictable outcomes, love is the answer. How will you design your work so that people say, “I love that!”