Enough Ego to Make a Difference
Big ego says, “I’m great and you’re not.”
The issue isn’t if you have ego, it’s how much.
You need enough ego to believe you can make a difference, but not so much that you don’t need others.
7 Symptoms of Ego Gone Wild
Ego blinds you to your shortcomings and the strengths of others.
- Most people irritate you.
- Others are self-centered, but you aren’t.
- Conversations are competitions.
- Serving is an inconvenience.
- You justify using people.
- Your weaknesses are minor inconveniences. Their weaknesses are catastrophes.
- An apology hasn’t passed your lips since you were caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
A big ego pollutes every aspect of servant leadership. But zero-ego makes you a doormat.
5 Practices of Healthy Ego
#1. Address awkward issues with kindness.
Self-centered leaders avoid tough issues because they care about themselves more than others. Ego relies on anger to say tough things.
#2. Help others clarify and pursue their aspirations.
It takes real confidence to stop asking, “What about me?” and start asking, “What about them?”
Humility serves others. Ego serves itself.
#3. Invite others to speak.
Try asking:
- What do you think we should do?
- What are your challenges?
- When are you most energized?
Tip: Invite teammates to speak for themselves in meetings. Don’t speak for them.
#4. Practice mutual accountability.
One-way accountability breeds resentment. Be as accountable to others as you expect them to be to you.
#5. Say, “Thank you,” everywhere you go.
Warning: Arrogance can imitate humility. It says thank you without gratitude and seeks input without listening.
Ego says, “I’m the answer.” Servant leaders say, “We’re the answer.”
What dangers of a big ego do you see?
What are useful expressions of healthy ego?
Big egos aren’t open to coaching or feedback.
They think their way is the only right way.
They talk more than they listen.
And, seldom admits mistakes.
Useful expressions of a healthy ego? What do you think? How would you proceed? What am I missing in this recommendation? What can we learn from this mistake?
Thanks Paul, I find admitting mistakes is essential to growth. Big ego focuses on the part others played in mistakes. “If it’s not all my fault, it’s not my fault at all.”
Dan, the distinction between “enough ego to lead” and “too much to follow” is one of the most underexplored tensions in leadership writing. The symptom list resonates — especially justifying using people. That tendency tends to emerge from leaders who see their team as instruments of their vision rather than as the actual source of organizational value.
I wrote about this recently from a slightly different angle — what it actually costs organizations when leaders don’t genuinely see their people’s worth, and how that gap shows up long before anyone quits: https://thejoshstephens.com/every-team-has-value-not-every-leader-knows-it/
The trust loop you describe here maps closely to what I found. Ego that can’t acknowledge team value is a retention problem waiting to surface.