Overcome the Disease to Please

Wanting approval is normal. Depending on it limits leadership.

Psychologist Harriet Braiker says the disease to please is compulsively saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”

Leaders do things others don’t like.

You can’t please all the people even some of the time.

How to Overcome the Disease to Please

#1. Evaluate

Are you a people pleaser? Do you…

1. Say yes to the point that you miss deadlines.
2. Hide your true thoughts or feelings.
3. Feel devastated when others don’t like you.
4. Hold back your voice when you think others will disagree.
5. Resent others because you didn’t voice your opinions.
6. Treat criticism as a judgment of worth.

If you answer “yes” to three or more, approval may drive your decisions.

#2. Lead Through the Disease to Please

1. Accept that others won’t always like you.
2. Embrace disagreement and learn from it.
3. Press through resistance by speaking up once before a meeting ends.
4. Preserve relationships even when you say no. Speak with kindness when setting boundaries.

#3. Adopt Transformative Practices

1. Don’t swing from people pleasing to people offending.
2. Know your priorities before people ask for your time.
3. Begin expressing your personal feelings and priorities with friends. Slowly branch out to others.
4. Delay saying yes. If you can’t say no, say, “Let me get back to you.” Or “I need to check my schedule.” Don’t let delay become avoidance. Make it your opportunity to learn how to say no.
5. Don’t make long excuses when you say no. “I’d love to help but I can’t this time,” says enough.
6. Practice saying no with friends.

Today’s Challenge: Identify one expression of the disease to please. Replace it with gentle assertiveness.

Don’t choose between approval and disapproval. Choose what serves the mission.

What is the disease to please doing in you? In people around you?

Read: The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker

Please People and Overcome People-Pleasing – Leadership Freak