A Seat at the Table
Have enough ego to believe you earned a seat at the table. By “enough ego,” I mean grounded confidence, not inflated importance.
Have enough humility to remember you didn’t arrive on your own.
Too little ego shrinks you. Too much ego blinds you.
Too Little Ego
You earned a seat. Don’t act like an intruder.
With too little ego, you…
- Silence yourself.
- Apologize for speaking.
- Defer when you should contribute.
- Wait for permission.
- Assume everyone knows more than you.
Humility is having a realistic view of yourself.
Your experience matters. Your perspective has value. Your questions might change the conversation.
Sit up. Speak clearly. Contribute. Make room for your own mistakes.
Too Much Ego
You earned a seat at the table. Don’t act like you own the table.
With a big ego, you…
- Blab on and on.
- Defend instead of explore.
- Confuse position with superiority.
- Dismiss inexperienced people.
- Need to be the smartest person in the room.
Ryan Holiday describes destructive ego as a sense of importance that exceeds your competence.
Confidence sees reality. Ego distorts it.
A Seat at the Table
Healthy ego says:
- “I belong here.”
- “I have something to contribute.”
- “I can handle disagreement.”
- “I don’t need everyone’s approval.”
Right-sized ego says:
- “I could be wrong.”
- “Someone else knows more.”
- “My title doesn’t make my ideas right.”
- “I’m here to serve the conversation, not control it.”
Don’t crawl under the table. Don’t stand on it. Take your seat at it.
You don’t need to prove you belong. You need to contribute like you do.
What helps people contribute confidently without becoming arrogant?
10 Signs Ego Hinders Your Success – Leadership Freak
You have balanced ego, achievement, and practical humility very well in this post.
Finding and living that balance can be challenging.
Anything to do with humility is a challenge for some of us. Thanks for the good word, Ken.
Good advice- I can do this, but… At our table, there are individuals who refuse to acknowledge anyone with a title lower than theirs. They consistently ignore peers or junior colleagues, sometimes even openly, even when doing so works to their own detriment.
While I do not feel the need to openly fight this behavior, it does cause me to shut down at times when I should speak up. Being on point or offering a corrective view often just makes them more confrontational. Part of me feels inclined to simply step back and let them face the consequences of their narrow perspective.
Ultimately, I find myself struggling with the question: ‘How can I effectively handle this dynamic while staying true to the fact that I absolutely belong at this table?’ In reality, my current approach is simply contributing only what I absolutely must say and waiting for the next administration to come in, as this holding strategy has been effective for me in the past.
However, I do hate that this approach—from me and from others who choose to stay quiet—ultimately stifles growth for our organization. Because no one can safely speak up, we just keep walking around in circles.
Thanks for sharing your situation, Mary. I’m sure this occurs in other organizations. It sounds like you are trying to navigate this with two strategies. #1. Only speak up when absolutely necessary. #2. Tolerating the frustration. Waiting it out.
The question is, how can you maximize your contribution while seeing arrogance around the table? Sometimes people pull back and the only person they hurt is themselves. I’m not sure if that’s your situation.
I wish you well as you choose your path.
An antidote to imposter syndrome. Thanks, Dan. Have an informed, sober assessment of yourself. Then act or speak with courage not bravado.
That’s a useful idea, Pete. Know who you are. Know your best contribution. Then act.
Dan! I love this line “Don’t crawl under the table. Don’t stand on it. Take your seat at it.” I needed this reminder as I am still finding my way in my newer job role. Being newer makes me feel like an imposter at time- I just need to remind myself I was hired to be AT the table because I do have something to offer the organization.
This was a great read today!